


Disenchanted

by itsallonfire



Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: Alcohol, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Eating Disorders, F/F, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Mental Health Issues, Post-Season/Series 04, Sexual Assault, Sexual Content, Talk of Hospitals, also yes there will be a happy ending i promise, because a lot of these things go hand-in-hand, cw up the wazoo, definitely not speaking from experience, just stick with me i promise, kind of a slow burn? idk, kyalin - Freeform, ummmm heavyyyy content matter for this sucker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:48:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 25,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27114244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsallonfire/pseuds/itsallonfire
Summary: After Kuvira's attack, Lin and Kya reconnect in Republic City. The memories stirred up by their proximity force both women to face their own repressed traumas and acknowledge how such memories have impacted their relationship.Based loosely off of 'Disenchanted' by My Chemical Romance. Props to you for however many references to the song you can find :)---TW all up in this whole thing, please don't ignore the tags!---
Relationships: Lin Beifong/Kya II
Comments: 139
Kudos: 272





	1. One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing to really label with a trigger warning in this chapter -- it's mostly introductory. Also note that I've decided the age gap between Kya and Lin here is like 2 or 3 years (I know there's pretty much a canon age difference, this just makes it easier for me).

_ “Stop! Republic City police!”  _

_ Kya gave a quick glance over her shoulder, careful not to trip over the curb as she bolted across the sidewalk. Her friends had hit the road in opposite directions.  _ Thanks, guys, _ Kya thought. It was dark enough that she had to watch carefully for traffic and bumps in the road. _

_ With the cop still on her trail, she bent some water from a puddle and slickened the sidewalk behind her, hearing the guy let out a shout of surprise when he slipped. Giggling to herself, Kya quickly spun into a dark alley. She pressed her back up against the brick wall. _

_ “You never know when to slow the fuck down, do you?” _

_ Kya almost jumped out of her skin when a low voice cut through the dark. She had to chuckle again. “Speak for yourself, dumbass.”  _

_ Lin rolled her eyes in the shadows, arms crossed. “You know you’re not meant to be out here. City curfew was two hours ago.” _

_ “I’m not?” Kya said in mock naivety. She positioned her arms so that the swell of her breasts was displayed to its fullest potential beneath her dress. “I thought for sure our esteemed Lieutenant could use something pretty to look at, with the long shifts and all.” _

_ “Are you being serious?” Lin raised an eyebrow. The purple scars crossing her cheek shifted and Kya wondered if they were still ever painful. “Or do I need to add ‘public indecency’ to your arrest report?” _

_ Kya let her mouth fall open, acting shocked. “You wouldn’t.” She sauntered up closer to the younger woman and let their lips come daringly close. “You weren’t complaining about it last week, now, were you?” _

_ It was clear Lin was flustered with Kya’s breath on her face, but her job had done excellently at training her to hide it. “Aren’t you getting a bit old to be breaking the law like a teenager?” _

_ “Would you rather me evade taxes? Or buy an illegal weapon? Or kill someone? Or --” _

_ Lin held up her hand. “Fine, I get it. You’re welcome to run around the streets all you want with your hippie friends. I’m just trying to make sure those bloodbending psychos don’t make you their next piece of fresh meat.” _

Well, there’s a turn-off.  _ “I’ll get out of your way, gorgeous.” The pet names were a sure-fire method of throwing Lin off her game. Kya slowly worked thick dark hair up and out of her face, making a seductive performance of it, before leaning down to remove her shoes. She gathered them into one hand in preparation to book it back to the docks. Setting one hand on Lin’s cheek, she leaned in to kiss the corner of her lips for just long enough to be very purposeful indeed. _

_ The waterbender threw in a wink before backing out of the alley. “That’s for keeping your cables to yourself.” A look across the sidewalk, and she bolted. _

\----------------

Kya laid in bed, thinking about the decades-old encounter. The breeze coming through the open window felt familiar, like that night had felt on her skin. Early-summer air. Like every story you read, like every love song you’d hear as a kid and consider it peak romance. It had rained earlier in the day. She could smell the damp stone and wood from outside and remembered how the wet concrete had felt on her feet while she ran from the police. She had entered the house through the front door once she got home, making it very clear to her parents that she was out later than she should have been, mostly rubbing it in their faces that she was far beyond the age of parental control.

She had still been young at the time, barely into her mid-twenties, and very much uninterested in dedicated relationships. She had messed around with friends of friends and didn’t tend to take sexual encounters very seriously. Sexually active since fourteen, she hadn’t put much thought into casual hook-ups with pretty girls and their messily-painted fingernails behind school dumpsters. 

That being said, the nights she had spent with her childhood friend had always felt like a bit more. Perhaps it was because they had grown up together, but having Lin’s skin on hers, tongues getting familiar with each other’s bodies -- it had all been branded into Kya’s mind. 

Kya would have never panicked over one of those other girls. Never would have insisted on healing them or called them frantically in the middle of the night to ensure their safety. They were just  _ those other girls, _ as awful as it sounded. Lin was  _ Lin. _ Strong and dark and wonderful and forceful in all the right ways. 

Kya looked out the window at the half-destroyed city. The spirit portal shone up into the heavens in swirls of bright gold. Crumbled buildings downtown stood dark amongst the lights like little ghosts. 

Coming into the city after Kuvira’s attack and seeing Lin alive was like a breath of fresh air. The relief had made Kya’s stomach turn. She didn’t see some old childhood friend standing there, exhausted and bruised. She saw painful love and beauty and passion and all of the things she had tried to forget from when they were young. Before life happened. Before careers and crises tore things apart.

\----------------

_ “Late night, kid?” _

_ Lin almost smacked her head against the corner of the wall. She put a hand over her forehead. “Fuck, you scared the shit out of me.” _

_ Toph shrugged. From where she sat across the kitchen, she turned down the volume on the police radio she had sitting on the table, as it flicked through fuzzy channels. “How’s miss sugar queen junior? Got herself a job yet?” In the moment of awkward silence, she chuckled and added, “You know what, nevermind. Bold of me to assume you did any talking.” _

_ Lin tossed her shoes into the closet by the door with a couple of satisfying thuds. She had to blink as she entered the kitchen. The light from above the stove was far too harsh than it needed to be, for an apartment mainly occupied by Republic City’s blind chief of police. Toph only put it on anyway to piss off her kids.  _

_ “What the hell do you mean, Mom?” _

_ “Oh, please.” Toph gave her daughter the blank face that she did when she wasn’t in the mood for bullshit. “I don’t need to be able to see to know there’s drugstore lipstick all over you.” _

_ Cautiously looking down at the red smudges on the collar of her shirt, Lin sighed and said, “Can I get to sleep without my mother harassing me? Wouldn’t seem like you should give such a shit about your adult daughter’s sex life.” She tossed her jacket over the back of the couch. “Oh, that’s right. You don’t give a shit anyway, do you?” _

_ Toph raised her hands in the air in surrender. “I’m not stopping you from going to bed, Lieutenant. Four a.m. seems like quite the bedtime, is all I’m saying.” _

_ Making a point of storming down the hall as loudly as possible, Lin shouted, “That agreement on my damn apartment cannot come soon enough.” _

_ “For you and me both, sweetheart.” _

\----------------

There was a dinner on the island a few nights prior to the wedding. Lin was hesitant to go, swamped with figuring out what the hell to do about the damage downtown, but Korra had insisted and Lin admittedly had developed a soft spot for the Avatar. Not that she would ever mention it. 

She was met with a chorus of happy voices when she approached the group on the outside porch. Ikki, Meelo, and Rohan clambered over chairs to throw themselves onto Lin, almost knocking her back with excited gusts of wind. She awkwardly welcomed their embrace and accepted Jinora’s gentle side-hug. The girl knew how to read a facial expression.

“Come sit with us!” Ikki insisted, pulling Lin over to the table. Still a bit disoriented, she took a seat beside the girl. Upon looking to her left, she realized the situation the airbender had put her in.

A warm smile greeted her and Kya said, “Hey, Lin. How’s the work going?” Sparkling eyes. Soft tan skin.

“Um, it’s --” Lin’s brain short-circuited. She hadn’t been given enough time to process the other woman’s presence. She cleared her throat. “It’s going alright. Complicated.”

Kya raised an eyebrow as if to taunt her a little. “Anything exciting worth mentioning?”

“We’re trying to bring evacuees back,” said Lin, trying very hard not to meet the eyes of the woman beside her. “It’ll be a long process, but it’s moving.”

“Well, I’m sure it’ll sort itself out in time,” Kya said with a smile. Mercifully, she directed her attention back to the main conversation of the table and Lin took a breath of relief. She enjoyed seeing the waterbender on the island, but something about being confronted with conversation always caught her off-guard. Perhaps she was just remembering things.

And Kya’s presence was so  _ loud _ next to Lin. Not only because of the wine or her uninhibited laugh. Perhaps it was her fucking “aura,” or whatever the hell she called it, but Lin felt a million sensations in her left side, making her skin tingle even through her metal uniform, as if it were forming tiny needles. She was glad she wore it -- who could say what Kya’s energy would have done to her without it. Thankfully, Kya extricated herself from the table to carry dishes inside. Lin took a breath and was able to relax until Korra called her name across the table. 

“Lin, are you looking forward to the wedding?” she asked, loud and enthusiastic as always. The biggest grin suggested she was either a bit drunk or tired or both.

Shooting the Avatar a cautious look, Lin responded, “I’ve never been one for formal gatherings, if you haven’t taken notice.”

“You don’t say?” Bumi joked, elbowing Korra in the side. He turned into such a child when the kids were around, Lin thought. 

“When was the last time you went to a wedding, though, really?” Korra insisted. “One that wasn’t some high-profile event for a politician that required your security?”

Lin rolled her eyes, intent on avoiding her questions. 

Bolin leaned over to Korra. “Bet it’s been a while,” he said in a joking, high-pitched voice. The two laughed.

“We’re just joking around, Chief,” said Korra. “We’re just interested to see what kind of  _ civilian attire _ we might have the pleasure of seeing you in.”

“Sure.” Deciding it was a smart decision to get herself away from the table and its inhabitants, Lin nodded to them and made a quick excuse about going to get more hot water. She cautiously stepped past the threshold into the kitchen.

She made the mistake of staring at the ground while she approached the sink. 

In a horribly precise series of events, Lin looked up just as Kya spun around from where she stood at the counter. Kya found herself face-to-face with the police chief, noses almost touching, clearly an accidental situation that should have been an easy fix (smile, walk away). Should have been, if both women hadn’t become instantly hypnotized with their proximity, eyes moving to where their lips had just  _ barely _ brushed together a second before.

_ Fuck. _

Staring wide-eyed at Kya’s mouth, Lin managed to get out, “I just -- I was, um -- just going to get more --” Her eyes snapped up to grinning blue eyes. “More water.” Lin quickly elbowed past Kya to get to the sink and prayed that the waterbender would clear out.

“Of course,” was all Kya said before returning to the group outside. 

As soon as she was gone, Lin trained her eyes on the ceramic backsplash. A breath finally shook into her lungs. Reaching up to pinch the bridge of her nose, Lin silently praised her own ability to step away from what had just occurred. At least the alarm of the moment hadn’t caused Kya to touch her.

Lin set a hand over her hip instinctively.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few things:
> 
> 1\. There will be a lot of italics used in this entire thing, but if that’s an eye strain for some of y’all, please let me know and I will try to find another way of formatting!  
> 2\. The past memories here will visit a few different timelines, so here are the main ones that will be used: we’ll have Kya/Lin’s young adult years (Lin in her early twenties, Kya in her mid-twenties), in some later chapters we’ll have memories from different seasons of TLOK, and the regular (non-italicized) text is “present time,” AKA post-season 4. I hope the jumping around isn’t //too// confusing.  
> 3\. Once again, upcoming chapters will have some heavy content matter. I will put warnings in the notes before each chapter for anything that applies!  
> 4\. Final thing, I’m going back to in-person school this week and things might get a bit wild. I will try try tryyyyy my very best to update this regularly (and I have some future chapters already very much planned out), but if I go MIA, please understand that I’m just juggling a lot of things at once :)
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading! It's been a while since I've taken on a multi-chapter fic, so I'm nervous and excited. I know this is just an introductory chapter, but I hope y’all stay with me throughout this story :)


	2. Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t think there are any major warnings on this one, unless talk of injuries makes you uncomfy (nothing too gross, I promise).   
> At the end of this chapter, there’s a flashback that I want to explain a bit: It occurs in the earliest timeline of this story (Lin is like 22/23). The next chapter will deal with things that actually happened *before* what we’ll see at the very end of *this* chapter. I wanted to clarify that, in case it’s confusing!

_ The airship back to the city seemed horribly crowded. Lin wandered the various corridors, wondering when the hell so many airbenders had shown up. She went around to take everyone’s name, where they were from, and mark down any injuries they had sustained during the attack.  _

_ Gently knocking on another door, she heard Kya’s quiet voice: “Come in.” _

_ Entering the small room, Lin found Kya sitting up against the wall on the little cot. Opal, fast asleep, had her head resting on Kya’s lap. The waterbender ran a hand slowly through Opal’s hair. _

_ “I see my niece has taken a liking to you,” Lin commented quietly. She pointed her pen towards the girl. “Was she injured at all? I have to mark it down if she was.” _

_ Kya looked tiredly at the young airbender, hand on Opal’s shoulder, and said, “Only a bruise on her collarbone, I think. From that waterbender.” _

_ Lin took note. “And you? What exactly…” Her voice trailed off. She didn’t even know where to start. Kya’s clothes were bloodied and there were gashes littered about her skin. Lin noticed herself feeling a twinge in her own chest.  _

_ Kya stared at the wall as she dutifully listed off, “Twisted ankle, chipped shoulder blade, cracked L-1, two cracked ribs, sprained wrist --” She looked at her hand, “Broken thumb, concussion.” She smiled up at Lin as if she had just listed the ingredients for some good soup. _

_ Lin raised her eyebrows as she tried to keep up on her notepad. “Shit.” _

_ “Yeah. I’m pretty fucking lucky; it should have been a lot worse.” _

_ “Can I ask what happened?” _

_ “Fell about… 200 feet? Down the side of the mountain.” How she was still smiling, Lin had no clue. It must have hurt just to breathe.  _

_ Lin sighed. “Well, we should be back to the city in a few hours. Just shout if you need anything.” She turned and set a hand on the door latch. _

_ “Hey, stay for a minute,” said Kya, reaching out for the metalbender’s hand. “You look exhausted. Sit here with us.” _

_ Lin’s eyes trailed down to Kya’s dirty, scraped-up hand holding hers. Surprisingly firm for how shaky the woman was. Something in her was so stunned that she just took a seat on the stool by the door, realizing that Kya was right about how tired she was. _

_ “Did you get hurt?” Kya asked, eyes searching Lin up and down for any evidence of injury. _

_ “Probably a few bruises, maybe a burn or two. Nothing serious.” _

_ Lin could see Kya wanted to argue and would have had some water on her in a second in any other situation, but she only nodded and leaned her head back on the wall. It seemed everyone would need a week’s worth of sleep to even begin to recover from the last 24 hours.  _

_ “You should get some rest once we get to the city,” said Kya quietly, as if reading Lin’s mind. “You’ve been on the clock for way too long.” _

_ “Yeah,” was all Lin said.  _

_ Kya took her hand again, squeezing a little tighter, or however tight she was able to. “You promise?” _

_ “Hmm?” Lin’s eyes shot up. Kya’s skin felt rough and dry and was still the most captivating thing. _

_ “You promise me you’ll get some rest?” _

_ Lin nodded. “Yes. I promise.” Goodness, Kya’s face was beautiful. Even with scrapes and dirt and blood, her little smile was enough to make Lin’s heart do somersaults.  _

_ Smiling wider, Kya said, “You can go get back to work if you need to. I just wanted you to take a breather for a second.” _

_ “Thank you.” Hardly thinking, Lin leaned forward to press kisses to Kya’s forehead and then to Opal’s. An instinct. One she briefly forgot to mask. It wasn’t until she left the room and had her back pressed up against the door that she realized what she had just done.  _

_ Damn it. _

\----------------

Lin tried to get herself off the island before the sun set, as soon as the energy at dinner wound down. She had to work early in the morning and would prefer to avoid too much interaction with the woman that she had come far too close to kissing earlier, in the kitchen. She tried to shake the moment from her mind as she descended the outside steps down to the dock.

“Hey, Lin!”

Almost freezing in place, Lin spun around a little too fast to see Kya skipping down the stairs behind her. She was smiling, hair bouncing around her shoulders. It looked positively glittering in the late sun.

“Could I walk you home?” Kya asked, putting her hands on her hips. “I need to get out of here for a minute. The kids always get way too energetic at night.”

_ Understandable.  _ “Sure.” Lin felt relief wash over her, relief that Kya didn’t appear to feel awkward about their earlier encounter. Perhaps it wouldn’t be the worst thing to spend some more time together, but mostly Lin found it impossible to say no.

They took the boat back to the mainland and walked quietly through downtown towards Lin’s apartment -- one of the buildings that hadn’t been demolished by Kuvira’s freak-weapon. Lin glanced down at Kya’s hands every few seconds, thinking about the memory she had from the airship. Soft and strong now, sans scrapes and dirt, Lin watched them swing by Kya’s hips and  _ goodness _ did she want to take one and hold it again. 

“You need something?” Kya asked, laughing.

Lin snapped her eyes up. “Uh, I was just -- I was… I had been thinking about the -- the fight at the air temple again.”

“Yeah? What about it?”

Lin shook her head. “Nothing specific. Just thinking about it.”

Kya carefully slipped her hand into Lin’s, once again baffling the metalbender at her seemingly psychic abilities. “I think about it too, sometimes,” she said, looking ahead on the sidewalk like she hadn’t just made Lin’s heart skip three beats. “Hard not to.”

Lin swallowed. Kya’s hand felt warm and firm and so fucking excellent, like a puzzle piece that was intended to fit perfectly into Lin’s. She hardly even had the mind to worry about what it looked like, the two of them holding hands, walking down the street. Kya always liked to tell her about platonic displays of affection, though, so who knew what the action really meant. 

Her next statement, however, almost made Lin trip over herself.

“You could have kissed me,” said Kya, out of seemingly nowhere, in a voice so casual she could have said anything else. Lin blinked and wondered if she had heard her right.

“Pardon?”

Kya grinned at her. “In the kitchen, on the island. You could have kissed me, I wouldn’t have minded.”

“Well it -- It was a bit of an accident, getting so -- close.” Lin hoped with every fibre of her being that her palms weren’t getting sweaty.  _ She wouldn’t have minded? What the fuck does that mean? _

“So were a lot of our little moments,” said Kya with a chuckle, “when we were younger.” The waterbender took a breath to bring her focus away from whether or not Lin felt tense beside her. 

Kya decided to watch the few other people on the sidewalks. The earliest waves of evacuees being welcomed back to the city, those who occupied buildings that were still intact. Street vendors packing up for the night, small children being swung by their hands in-between their parents, teenage couples looking in dark shop windows. Folks trying their best to get life back to normal. It was almost dark out and tiny stars would have been visible up above if not for the light pollution from downtown. 

Walking with Lin reminded her of those times when they were young, when Lin would reprimand her for running around the city, when she would sit at the bar in Narook’s listening to Lin vent about work, the times that they were overtaken by young lust and woke up in the attic above Toph’s old apartment (the old police chief could sense  _ far _ too much on the main floor). Before Lin had moved out, of course.

As they came up to the intersection at West and Kuruk, stopping in front of Lin’s building, Kya barely heard Lin say, “You can come in, if you’d like. It’s pretty dark to be going back to the island alone.”

Kya’s attention had been drawn to the street, at the sidewalk beside the restaurants on the corner. She stared at the shadows in the alley between the buildings, expressionless. Darkness, tucked between the brick walls, substantial enough for her eyes to form shifting little figures there. Something in her chest tightened.

“Kya?”

“Huh?” Kya’s heart thudded in her chest and she was sure Lin could feel it. The alleyway was branded into her mind, a location in the city that she hadn’t set her eyes upon in years. She pictured the shadowy figures standing there and questioned for a moment if she had actually imagined it. She realized she had a deathgrip on Lin’s hand. 

“Do you want to come inside?” Lin searched Kya’s eyes for a reason why her heart was pounding into the sidewalk. “Are you okay?”

Kya shut her eyes tight. Her chest had clenched again and again. 

Lin insisted on finding eye contact. “Kya, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” Kya pulled her hand back. “Nothing, I’m fine.” She turned her head to look back the way they came. “Um, you have a good night, okay?”

“Yeah.” Lin watched Kya pace back down the sidewalk, blue dress disappearing into the late-evening darkness. “You too.” She stood there in front of the door to the building, glancing down at her hands as if there was something wrong with them. For a moment, she considered chasing after the clearly distressed woman. Wondering what the hell she had done wrong, Lin took a breath and stepped inside.

_ Typical,  _ she thought.  _ I don’t know why I ever expect she won’t run away. _

In her apartment, Lin decided to flip through some old police reports and notes, like she did often when she was bored. Sitting uncomfortably in the big leather chair in the corner of the living room, she came across the thing she didn’t realize she was looking for.

An arrest report -- three, in fact -- from thirty years before. A few months after the beginning of Lin’s summer fling with Kya. What had started as such, anyway. The faded papers, wrinkled at the edges, that Lin had never been able to show to Kya. Never been able to offer her the protection of. The reassurance. Lin had only just missed the opportunity to tell her about the arrests after they happened.

\----------------

_ Kya hadn’t said goodbye before she left. She had disappeared one day in the early fall, keeping Lin from delivering her crucial piece of news. News which may have very well kept her from hitting the road at all. _

_ Lin had sprinted across the island courtyard and busted through the doors to the dining hall with sweat dripping down the back of her neck, down into her uniform, and she didn’t even feel it. A group of air acolytes stared at her in confusion, utensils and bowls held between tables and mouths.  _

_ After hastily bowing with shaky hands, Lin only asked, “Master Katara?” Her lips curled a little at the corners. _

_ Hesitant fingers pointed towards the west garden. Lin nodded as a thank-you and stepped respectfully through the hall, uncaring of the dozens of eyes on her back, before breaking into a sprint again once outside. Her ears rang. It was a bold choice on the new chief’s part to send her to the island, as opposed to any other officer. _

_ Katara, all blue-robed and swathed in linen, sat facing the water near the bison stables. The stones around the fruit trees had been formed like small seats, for outdoor gatherings and various meditation circles. Katara typically favored the south side beach; she said it had better light and she liked to watch the stones getting pushed around by the little waves. _

_ The older woman looked up upon hearing Lin’s boots heavy on the ground. Lin should have realized something, just looking at Katara’s face. Too much adrenaline. _

_ “Is --” Lin had to pause to catch her breath, bending over with her hands on her knees. She couldn’t resist showing her smile. “Is Kya around?” _

_ Mouth hanging open the slightest bit, Katara stared at Lin incredulously.  _

_ “What?” _

_ “She didn’t call you,” was all Katara said. She blinked down at her shoes, head swaying from side-to-side in disbelief. “She said -- She said she would call you.” _

_ The metalbender’s smile had faded. The excitement brewing in her chest fizzled into a dull thud. “Why would she call me?” She could now see the redness around Katara’s eyes. _

_ “Kya left this morning, Lin. She told me she would let you know.” _

_ Lin blinked. She let her eyes wander as she comprehended the words.  _ Kya. Left.  _ “Where?” _

_ “She didn’t say.” Katara wiped the corners of her eyes with her skirt. It seemed she had done a fair amount of crying in the day already. Her hair had been scattered messily around her shoulders. With tears in her voice, she repeated, “She didn’t say. I told her to call, or -- or send a letter as soon as she gets wherever she’s going. I don’t know if she will.” _

_ Shoulders starting to shake, Lin dragged her fingers through her hair and shut her eyes tight.  _

_ “What did you need to see her for?” Katara’s eyes widened. “Did something happen in the case?” _

_ Lin was already running across the yard towards the dormitories, praying that something could change in the time it took to get there, that she would throw open the door to Kya’s room and find her reading some old Nomad texts. She might look up at Lin and smile, listen to the officer’s news, cry with relief, hug her tight. Lin could show her the paperwork. Kya might kiss her and thank her over and over. _

_ Maybe she would, if her room wasn’t empty. The bed was perfectly made. Little lanterns sat on the windowsills, cold. The only signs that the room had ever been occupied were the little pen marks on the bare wood wall, where Kya would scribble to get the ink flowing again. A series of messy blue swirls. A small messy heart. A natural streak in the wood splitting it in half.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof, sorry for the suspense here. I promise we'll get some new things moving in the next chapter, filling in what's happened in those gaps between some memories.   
> Let me know what you think -- my confidence always sucks at the beginning of new fics, so the comments are honestly so helpful, y'all have no idea. Thank y'all so much for reading!


	3. Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... where to start here. This chapter contains: sexual assault (not explicit, very heavily implied), blood, brief vomiting, torture via bloodbending (I don't know if bloodbending might put some folks off, just thought I'd mention it).  
> Yeah. Anyway. Have a chapter.

Kya came back to the island around the east side, avoiding her family and the dinnertime stragglers. She could hear Korra and Bumi’s high laughter floating over the roof, sending anxiety through Kya’s stomach until she was inside.

Childishly, she checked two, three, four times to make sure the door to her bedroom was shut tight before wrapping herself up in messy sheets. The window hung open. Looking out wasn’t helpful, but she didn’t know what else to do with herself.

  


\--------------------  


  


_ She should have listened when Lin warned her about the Red Monsoons. _

_ They were called such for a reason, known for popping up as some as the most terrifying bloodbenders in the city since Yakone -- perhaps even more so. They had been on a steady progression of taking control of various areas of the city, driving shopkeepers out of the Dragon Flats borough, terrorizing local officials, slowly using whatever methods possible to gain leverage. The cops had managed to keep them more or less under control for long enough. They were getting pissed.  _

_ It wasn’t even that Kya had intentionally stayed out late that night. She had lost track of time at a friend’s apartment, not realizing when the city curfew had passed. Her parents had insisted more and more that she return to the island on time, not having it when she argued that she could make her own decisions, hitting her with a new guilt-trip whenever necessary. (“You live on the island, you get home before midnight,” Katara had said. “I don’t care how old you are.”) _

_ “You’re welcome to stay the night,” Kya’s friend had offered. “You can call the island from the lobby, tell them where you are.” _

_ Kya shook her head as she pulled her shoes back on. “No, they wouldn’t like that. I’ll just slip back home real quick, no one will even notice me.” _

_ She barely heard her friend’s “be safe” as she shut the door behind herself. _

_ It was the intersection at West and Kuruk Boulevard where she felt it. At first, she thought the cops had finally caught up to her, binding her in their cables after frustrated weeks of chasing her around at night. But then came the pain. Gripping pain like she had never felt before, not the normal constriction of metal wires, instead choking her up and making her skin feel like fire. Her stomach turned as she realized, barely noticing the figures casually standing in the alleyway. _

_ “Knock her out,” came a gravelly voice. _

_ Something in her head popped. The street faded. _

  


\----------------

  


“Fuck.” Kya touched her head to try and relieve the thought of the feeling, rid herself of the muscle memory that was so easy to bring back if she dwelled on it for too long. Like a pin was driven right between her eyes.

She leaned over to light one of the lanterns on her windowsill. Perhaps the yellow glow would make the room feel less foreign.

  


\----------------

  


_ “There she is.” _

_ Kya’s head pounded. Her eyes blinked open, taking in dim grey light. Her knees were pressed hard against the ground -- cold, damp concrete seeping through her clothes. Her jaw felt too stiff to speak. At the feeling of her hands bound above her head, immobile, her chest heaved and every nerve in her body coursed with adrenaline.  _ Fuck. Fuck. This is a problem.

_ “Easy, little girl.” It was the same voice as before. Deep and rough. And horribly ugly, Kya thought. _

_ Kya slowly raised her eyes from the floor. There were a few people in the room, all standing domineeringly with their arms crossed. The man who stood closest to her looked familiar, once her vision cleared. Familiar from his old mugshots printed in the newspapers near the corner store, under big black headlines reading ‘Red Monsoon Leaders Escape Prison.’ She couldn’t remember his name. _

_ Kya clenched her teeth. “Let me go,” she choked out. Her voice didn’t have the conviction she wanted it to. Something warm shifted in her throat. “I’ll fuck you all up, let me fight you right now.” _

_ With a flick of the man’s wrist, the same gripping pain took her body again, forcing her jaw shut so tight she was sure her teeth could break. Needles pierced her temples. The room around her blurred. _

_ The guy knelt in front of her, a sly little grin on his lips. “I doubt that, sweetheart.” Her took her chin in his grimy hand and she was forced to meet awful dark eyes. _

_ “Looks like mommy never taught you to resist bloodbending,” laughed another one of the figures in the room. He was younger. He shook his head in mock sympathy. “With everyone going on in your poor city? What kind of mother is she?” _

_ As her body relaxed, Kya shut her eyes in relief and panted, “What do you want? I can’t be of much use to you.” She forced herself to push past the fear thudding in her chest, praying that the maniacal men around her couldn’t somehow feel how fast her heart was racing.  _ Wake up,  _ she thought. She blinked hard.  _ Wake up, wake up, wake up. Just a dream, right?

_ “Eh, what’s wrong with makin’ some new friends every now and then?” taunted the young guy in the corner. There was laughter in his slimy voice. Kya glared at him. _

_ The clear leader of the group sent a stream of water back towards him. “Can you shut the fuck up, Silla?” he hissed. _

Bold. _ Their names clearly weren’t a secret. They weren’t afraid of being caught. _

_ The ringleader turned his attention back to Kya and she wondered briefly how she looked to him. She had put as much effort as possible into looking determined and unphased, despite the panic ringing in her chest. She hadn’t heard of the Red Monsoons specializing in murder, only torture and kidnapping. None of the options sounded appealing. Perhaps if she closed her eyes tight enough, she would wake up in bed on the island like she wanted. _

_ “You’re going to tell us a little about your sweet parents,” he said, bringing a hand to her cheek. She considered biting him. DNA evidence. She didn’t. “I’m sure you’re familiar with our little crew here. We’d like to know about any information you may have heard, regarding the city’s plans for us.” _

_ “What makes you think I know anything?” Kya knew she was tempting fate with every question she asked. Any second, she could be on the floor with blood spilling out of her mouth.  _

_ “The daughter of the Avatar? Surely you’re aware of your father’s business.” _

_ The man who had been silent in the room spoke up. “Your uncle too, on the council? And our esteemed chief of police?” _

_ Kya couldn’t help but chuckle a little. She tasted blood in her throat. “You’re delusional if you think you can get a Beifong to negotiate on anything. Especially Toph.” _

_ Her stomach clenched with agony as the man in front of her formed a fist. Her wrists pulled on the straps holding her to the wall as she grimaced and the day’s meals came up onto the floor. Sweaty dark hair hung in her face. She coughed.  _

_ “We can do this all night, honey. Or you could tell us what we want to know.” _

_ The way the assholes spoke to her made her wish Katara had taught her to do the very thing she had chosen to outlaw. She imagined pulling blood up from their throats and watching their eyes widen in fear. Maybe she’d crush their veins. Or rip their tongues out, take them to the cops and proudly present the bloody muscles on an officer’s desk.  _

_ The man raised his hand into the air again. A threat. “Your head is next if you don’t give us something. I don’t want to hurt you, kid.” _

_ What a lie. Refusing to meet their eyes, Kya said, “What if I told you my father keeps these things private?” _

_ “Private enough that you know nothing?” _

_ “Neither do my brothers. Or my mother, for that matter.” Kya swallowed and tried to get the taste of vomit out of her mouth. Anything she could say to prevent the rest of her family from ending up tied to a warehouse wall. “You can torture me however you want, but I have nothing to tell you.” At the very least, wasting their time might be worth something.  _

_ The quiet one in the room brought his hand slightly forward and she felt the slightest discomfort in her neck and chest as he closed his eyes, concentrating for a minute. He sighed and reported, “She ain’t lying, Tarkik. She doesn’t know anything.” _

_ Tarkik -- yes, that was his name from the papers -- made a face. He lowered his eyes to the ground and growled. Kya sighed in relief. They certainly wouldn’t torture her much longer for this. If anything, they’d kill her and dump her body on the island to make a statement. At least then, she wouldn’t have to see the anguish on her parents’ faces. _

_ “Guess we’ll just have to make an example out of you, huh?” A flash of silver, and Kya was sure her throat would be sliced open in a second. Blood would spatter the walls. The pain would be gone. _

_ Instead, he put the knife to the neckline of her dress and swiftly swept it downward with a loud rip of fabric, splaying the material open like a skinned animal. Kya refused to look down and acknowledge the cool air on her exposed chest. She wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of letting them see her fear. (“Keep your dignity,” Aang had always told her. To show them her weakness would be like throwing meat to a mooselion.) _

_ Tarkik grinned at her with the most evil, disgusting grin before slashing the restraints above her head. She fell to the floor, bare chest painfully evident against the cold concrete. She wasn’t given a moment to rest before he grabbed a handful of her hair, yanking her up, throwing her like a ragdoll to the other two men in the room. The chance to bend something. As soon as she gathered what water she could from the ground, a firm arm was around her neck, squeezing, making any movement from the collarbones down useless. _

_ “She’s pretty,” said Tarkik bitterly. He sauntered up in front of her and placed a finger under her chin. “Might as well have some fun with her, if she can’t give us anything else. I’m sure daddy’s little girl can get some people talking over on Air Temple Island.” His body felt disgusting on hers. She didn’t have time to think on it, but the thought that anyone could get turned on at such a sight would surely have made her vomit again. Her last resort -- a strangled scream -- was silenced with a hand over her mouth. _

_ “You won’t feel a thing,” she remembered someone saying.  _ Fucking liars.

  


\----------------  


  


Kya barely noticed the tears coming. Little droplets, each holding the awful memories, sliding down her cheeks. She grabbed the damp collar of her dress to ensure it was intact. She had to go to the little sink in the corner, rubbing water on her face, taking a moment to connect with the element, praying Lin hadn’t decided to follow her back to the island. Kya wasn’t sure she’d be able to face the younger woman in such a state.

She remembered how helpless she had felt amongst those men. Hands everywhere on her body, using her as if she wasn’t a living, breathing person with a heartbeat, as if she wasn’t crying for them to stop, begging them to get off of her and let her go. She remembered how her voice bounced off the warehouse walls.

Thirty years felt like nothing. It all still felt horribly current, like she could turn around and see them coming for her again, like she might look down and see thick streams of blood dripping down her legs to the wood floor. Seeping into the cracks.

  


\----------------

  


_ “Mama.” Kya gasped in relief, seeing her mother waiting for her near the docks. She had her hands pulling the fabric of her dress tight over her chest. _

_ “Where the fuck have you been?” Katara stormed down across the courtyard, hands in fists. “Your father and I have been scared out of our fucking minds --” She stopped. She nearly tripped at the state of her daughter. “Kya, what… what happened?” _

_ Kya finally fell to her knees on the stones and squeezed her arms around herself. Her skin still burned. She wanted to vomit out all of the ways she had just been touched, purge it all from her body, start the night over. Too much. Stinging tears fell to the ground. _

_ Collapsing beside her, Katara grabbed Kya’s shoulders and asked again, “Honey, what happened to you? Your clothes are all torn.” There was panic in her eyes that Kya was too preoccupied to notice. _

_ The rip of her dress shot through her head again, the fabric tearing loud in her ear, making her stomach turn again. She just shook her head and shut her eyes tight. _

_ As the realization came to her, tears welled up in Katara’s eyes. She noticed the blood in her daughter’s hair, the red lines dripping down her legs, the manner in which her dress had been ripped. The bruises around her neck.  _

_ She took her daughter’s face in her hands. “Baby, who hurt you?” It was all she could ask. All she could get out above the roar of maternal panic. _

_ Kya couldn’t get the words out. The anger was gone. Her desire to find those men and slash their throats had dissipated and all she wanted was to disappear. To forget the things they had done. She only shook her head and fell into her mother’s arms, searching for a touch that wouldn’t hurt. Katara had to carry her back into the house. _

_ Kya heard her parents talking, after her mother had cleaned her up and gotten her into bed like she wasn’t a grown woman. _

_ “Are you sure, honey?” Aang asked his wife in the other room. _

_ “I’m positive,” said Katara, hushing her voice just enough that Kya had to put effort into discerning her words. “It’s exactly what we would see around the Earth Kingdom during the war, with all those poor women…” Kya picked up something about “the colonies” and “Fire Nation soldiers.” _

_ A long pause. Kya could imagine Aang trying to get his bearings about himself, surely covering his face with his hands. _

_ “It has to be them,” said Katara. “Who else would do this in the city right now?” _

_ “What would the Red Monsoons want with Kya?” His voice sounded so defeated that it seemed like he might be in tears. _

_ “Use your fucking head, Aang. Tarkik wants to get to you. He wants to get to you and Toph and Sokka so he can get whatever the fuck he wants.” _

Oh,  _ Kya thought, staring at the ceiling.  _ She’s pissed.  _ Her mother never swore like that. _

_ Too tired to listen anymore, Kya just turned on her side, pushed away the blanket, and tried to ignore the pain radiating from beneath her skin. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the Red Monsoons aren’t canonically a bloodbending group. It just makes a lot of sense in my head.  
> I hope y’all enjoyed this chapter… as much as one could possibly enjoy this. Thank you so much for sticking with me on this story so far, I'm having a good time working through this!


	4. Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m still unsure how long this story will be. I’ve tried to plan things out, but there are so many details I want to include that it’s very hard to plan everything ahead. As of now, I predict we’ll have somewhere between 9-12 chapters and I know that’s a broad range, but we’re feeling it out as we go :)
> 
> TW for some alcohol, suggestion of self-injury, mention of blood.  
> This chapter is also just a wee bit shorter (my apologies), but I knew that this one should be sectioned out the way it is.

_“I want you to stay on the island for a few weeks,” Toph told Lin after dinner one night._

_Letting her arms fall to her sides, Lin asked, “What? Why?”_

_“Because I said so, that’s why.”_

_“I have my own place now, Mom, why are you telling me where to stay?”_

_Almost angry, Toph set her cup down with force on the counter. “Because, Lin, there’s dangerous shit going down in the city and I will take a bullet to the head before I have you getting wrapped up in any of it.”_

_Lin couldn’t help but cross her arms and clench her jaw. “Since when do you care about my personal safety?” She had heard Katara mention things to her mother in hushed tones the other day, unintentionally forming tense clouds that floated around the ceiling. Things about Kya that kept Lin from sleeping with panic balling up in the back of her chest._

_“Kid, with the new chief figuring everything out, I need you to work with me for once.” Pinching the bridge of her nose, Toph pointed a finger at her daughter and added, “And since those triad assholes made it clear that they’ll do anything to gain leverage, I want you in a place where I’ll know you’ll be safe.”_

_The mention of the Red Monsoons almost made Lin flinch. She had spent the day switching up some paperwork to put her name on the team assigned to them. Despite her mother’s warnings, Lin wanted to be the one to throw those guys into cells._

_Lin dumped a plate in the sink. “Sure, whatever. I’ll head over there in the morning.”_

_“Tonight,” Toph corrected. “You’ll get all your shit together and take the eight o’clock ferry, alright?”_

_“Mom --”_

_“No arguments. You’re going to listen to me now. As your mother -- I’m not your boss anymore. You’re going to do this because I_ want _you to. Got it?”_

_Lin tossed her jacket over her shoulder, so distracted by Toph’s uncharacteristic look of concern that she missed the doorknob at first. “Got it.”_

\---------------------

Lin stared at the arrest reports on her nightstand. She couldn’t tear her eyes away, despite the fact that they made something spin in her stomach. She quenched the odd feeling with a borderline-irresponsible glass of mijiu, especially considering the abundance of lychee wine that Bumi had slipped to her earlier in the night. He was always a reliable source amongst the virgin drink table on the island. 

_Incident Report #9307,_ the first one read. _NWT. SILLA. M._

The ink had been smudged into the fibers of the old paper. Purple and green sub-particles of the black pigment had been spread in spots where water droplets had fallen years ago, and Lin imagined tossing the remains of her drink across the page in frustration. 

Her head wouldn’t let her mar it, for some odd reason. Despite how much she truly wanted to tear it to pieces. Her eyes wandered across to another paper.

_ANSONG, TARKIK. NWT. M._

The glass tightened uncomfortably in Lin’s hand. Perhaps if she gripped it hard enough, connected to the finely dissolved earth within the ceramic, it could shatter and embed itself within her skin. She wondered what the blood might look like on the yellow paper.

Lin considered how much relief she might feel, how her frustration might disappear. Maybe she would feel it all sink into the floor beneath her feet. 

Almost flinching, Lin set her hand on her hip. She squeezed slightly. _Don't._

\---------------------

_“Lin, sweetie, it’s so nice to have you here,” Katara had said while Lin was setting her things in her designated room on the island. Her tall, blue-robed figure stood in the doorway and she smiled with a smile that was welcoming but unhappy._

_Setting her jacket atop the RCPD duffel bag on the bed, Lin offered a small grin as well. “I appreciate you having me,” Lin said. “My mother insisted, with the new Chief getting adjusted.”_

_“Of course.” Katara stepped forward to pull Lin in for a firm hug, which Lin stiffly accepted._

_The waterbender knew Lin wasn’t so much one for physical affection. In the moment, Lin figured Katara probably needed it to satisfy something in herself, and Lin wasn’t quite heartless enough to deny her the minute of comfort._

_Lips lightly brushing against the cerulean linen on Katara’s shoulder, Lin dared to ask quietly, “How is she doing?”_

_Silence. Tense silence, as Katara’s hug suddenly felt a bit less forgiving. Lin could tell she was holding her breath._

_Just as Lin was about to break (or add to) the discomfort by mentioning she had assigned herself to the case, Katara patted a cupped hand on Lin’s back and whispered, “We’re managing.”_

_All in a second, she kissed Lin’s temple, spun around, and elbowed past the threshold into the hall, disappearing in a swift sweep of dark hair. Lin was sure she noticed pink wetness in Katara’s eyes._

\---------------------

Lin remembered Katara welcoming her on the island, offering that hug that lasted a little too long with that smile that wasn’t quite happy. She remembered walking through the women’s dormitory and pausing outside Kya’s locked door. She had almost knocked. She remembered how she had touched her fingertips against the wood and let them go numb before spinning into her own room again.

She remembered how Kya hadn’t come out for dinner that night, how Bumi had eventually grown fidgety and vanished into his sister’s room for the rest of the night. Lin remembered that trying to get to sleep wasn’t worth it those first few nights, that she had taken the earliest ferries back to the mainland to dive into the case again. Anything to make it feel like Kya’s distance from her wasn’t so painful. 

It felt similar when she got up and stood in front of the phone on the wall. Only a call, a series of numbers -- and Kya still felt a world away. 

Lin resisted the remaining mijiu on the counter and corked it up with an unsatisfying _pop._ Resting her hands on the edge of the granite, she took a moment to dig the corners into her palms before turning to finally get to bed. She hugged a pillow in close, elbows trembling. 

Not at all tired, she focused hard on ignoring the phantom sting over her hip bone. 

\---------------------

_Lin heard muffled voices coming from the living room a night or two after coming to Air Temple Island, while she was undressing for bed._

_The sound of her shirt hitting her bed coincided with Katara’s low, feminine tone slipping through the yellow crack beneath the door, striking up Lin’s investigative instincts. She sat with her back against the wood, ear as close to the hole of the lock as possible, eyes unfocused on the floor._

_“We can’t make you do anything.” Aang’s voice. Gentle and lovely. “You’re an adult, you can make your own decisions, but it might help you…”_

_“Why?” Kya’s voice sounded emotionless. Rather terrifying, coming from the woman who was known for being so full of life in every way. Lin felt herself narrow her eyes._

_A long pause. Lin imagined a glance exchanged between Katara and Aang. It played like a stage production in her head, like a dramatic and invasive adaptation of familial trauma. The director had taken liberties with yellow light and night-clothed costuming. The image made Lin’s head hurt._ Fucking disgusting.

_“Lots of people do trauma therapies, honey,” said Katara. Lin felt something turn in her stomach. It was near impossible to pick her voice out -- she sounded far too calm -- but the climax of the sentence was undeniable._

_More silence. Lin wondered for a moment if this would ever be the type of conversation her own mother would have with her. Likely not._

_“It’s not anything to be ashamed of, Kya -- you were hurt,” said Aang. His voice sounded odd against the tension swirling outside the door. “What you experienced was traumatic. You should find a way to get help for it.”_

_A shift of the floor, a few creaks in the wood, and then silence. Lin pictured Kya trying to stand and walk away, Katara’s hand halting her._

_“I don’t want to, Mom. I don’t want to talk about it.”_

_“Sweetie, you need to.” Aang was suddenly firm. Assertive._ Damn. _“You aren’t eating. You’ll barely look at us. We’re worried.”_

_Katara spoke. “No one wants to talk about bad experiences, but that’s why it’s necessary. Anjij is the best trauma healer in the city and she’d be happy to work through everything with you.”_

_“I don’t want to talk,” said Kya almost immediately, close to shouting, making Lin jump. Her voice was strangled by tears that likely already soaked her cheeks. “I don’t want to. I fucking hate this, I just want to fucking disappear.”_

_Muffled sobs. Lin could practically see Aang gathering in his daughter to hold her up, ushering her head to his shoulder. Perhaps draping an arm around his wife, as well._

_Lin couldn’t listen anymore. She felt sick. She turned her head away from the door and realized she had been digging her fingernails into her hip, branding little red crescents into her skin, pricked with blood. Burning._

_Once she got back into bed, she did it again._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bless y’all for reading and leaving me comments! I've been in a really weird state of mental health lately and working on this and seeing the comments and knowing y'all like to read it has been a really nice thing for me. I give all of you a virtual piece of Halloween candy.


	5. Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW for some blood, heavy implication of self-injury and disordered eating (I try not to make these things too detailed -- but of course I want to label warnings no matter what).

Kya sat in bed in the morning for a long time after the lantern went out. She stared at the little wick drowned in old oil and tried to shake the strange feeling lingering on her skin. It had been years since she had let those memories back in. She had done well to push them down, avoiding the fear and stress they stirred up. The night had been restless and uncomfortable.

Sitting on the edge of that same bed, looking at the same wall as she had stared at years before, Kya felt herself choke up and a tear slipped down her cheek. She remembered how she had listened to her parents talking, heard them crying, and had wondered what the fuck she was meant to do next. Every movement had felt wrong. 

She remembered that in the morning, after the incident, she hadn’t gotten up, didn’t want to face her family, didn’t want to see her father’s broken eyes. She remembered how she didn’t leave her room until Bumi came home (he had left the United Forces base immediately), until he came in and held her for what seemed like hours.

The state of the city reminded her too much of that night, those weeks following. Filing police reports and DNA tests and ducking away from her mother’s desperate hugs. She hadn’t wanted anyone to suffer for her. Clothing herself in loose robes and sitting at her desk doing nothing was the only thing that didn’t hurt. 

Now, not wanting to look out that window, Kya worried she might find herself back there again. Age twenty-five and trembling in bed, bruises on her chest and a dull aching between her legs. If she thought too hard, her blood felt dirty again. Contaminated.

“Aunt Kya?”

The soft voice yanked her away from the spiral of thoughts. Kya spun her head around to find Jinora standing in the little crack in the doorway. Kya had only opened it early in the morning so it wouldn’t raise suspicion. 

Quickly brushing tears from her cheeks, Kya smiled at the girl and said, “Hey there, love. Do you need something?”

Jinora pushed the door open a bit more. She wore a large sweater to combat the morning chill. An old one of her father’s. 

“No, just --” Jinora shifted her weight on her feet. The floor creaked. “I was wondering if you were… I don’t know. You seemed upset about something.” The teenager was already far better at reading energy than Kya had ever been. 

“I am, a little,” said Kya softly. There was no reason to lie. “It’s nothing serious, I promise.”

The young airbender turned back to look down the hallway before asking, “Can I sit with you? Just for a minute?”

“Of course.”

Jinora settled in a meditative position at the end of the bed. Likely a reflex. 

“Is everything alright, honey?” Kya reached to take her hand.

She nodded. “Yeah, everything’s just crazy out there with everyone getting stuff ready for the wedding.”

“Yeah, Varrick sure knows how to prep a party, huh?”

Another small nod, before Jinora quickly said, “And I was a bit worried, I guess.” She answered all of Kya’s questions before they could be asked: “About you."

Alarmed by her own unpreparedness for the statement, Kya wondered how glaringly heavy her energy was coming from her bedroom overnight.

“I just wanted to see if everything is okay with  _ you."  _ Jinora spun the earlier inquiry.

Kya smiled a little. “Sure. I mean, it will be. It’s complicated.”

“I suppose you don’t really want to talk about it.” Jinora played with a few loose strings on the sleeve of her sweater. Kya remembered how Tenzin used to tug at them as a teenager, when he was deep in thought.

After wondering briefly when her niece had grown up so much, Kya decided how counterproductive it would be to dump a traumatic, decades-old story onto such a young kid. “No, I don’t particularly want to talk about it.” A breath, and then: “But it’s nice having you here.”

Jinora offered a sad little grin. She crawled over and draped skinny arms around her aunt carefully, just firm enough to offer security, loose enough to let her breathe. Kya returned the embrace with an arm around her niece’s back and a hand on her elbow. 

“Thank you, Jinora. You’re sweet.”

Insisting on the hug a bit more, Jinora said, “I love you, Aunt Kya.”

With a sigh, Kya turned to press a kiss to the point of the arrow on Jinora’s forehead. Another silent tear rolled down her cheek. “I love you, too.”  


  


\--------------------------

  


_ No matter how hard she didn’t want to remember it, the moment when Kya emerged from her room to find Lin sitting at the breakfast table was a memory she couldn’t shake at all.  _

_ Lin, all buttoned-up and showered, gave Kya a small smile from across the dining room, just barely showing her teeth. A display of vulnerability. Kya froze in the doorway. Lin was suddenly very aware of her presence at the table. She vividly remembered signing off DNA test results as official evidence the day before. She felt horribly misplaced, like an intruder at the table, invading on something. _

_ It was awful to look at Kya, a woman she had once been so intimate with, and feel so disconnected. Especially when the waterbender’s reddened eyes made it clear that she was in no state to be confronted with visitors. _

_ Kya’s eyes wavered as Bumi cut the silence: “Good morning, Kya.” _

_ She sat at the table without a word, gaze now very intent on staying trained on the opposite wall. Lin watched Katara bend down beside her daughter with a bowl of food, whispering something.  _

_ “Eat, honey,” Katara said, just quietly enough that Lin picked up the words by watching her lips move. A protective hand sat encouragingly on Kya’s back. _

_ Refusing to look down at the bowl, Kya just shook her head. _  


_  
_

\-----------------------  


  


Lin woke up with an aching neck and sore back. The tangled sheets hinted at her restless night and the little images of her relived memories came back to her as she brewed up coffee for the morning. 

She remembered Kya making coffee that morning, years ago, pouring it into a little black ceramic cup and retreating back to her bedroom before Katara could insist she eat again. Kya had never refused food before, not that Lin had seen, and it made worry boil up in Lin’s throat.

If Lin hadn’t wanted to get ready for a wedding before, the idea made her stomach turn while she stood in her kitchen and tried her best not to look down at her hips, half-exposed by tiny spandex shorts. She was relieved that she knew precisely what she would wear and wouldn’t have to think on it. It was rare that she ever paid much attention to her body or how it looked anyway -- it was a distraction and a waste of time. 

She dressed for a short shift at the station and almost flinched when cold metal brushed against her skin, right along that formerly-smooth curve flesh to the side of her hip bone. The steel touch made her stomach turn.

  


\-----------------------  


  


_ “You’re not going to the hospital, Lin.” _

_ Katara looked up at Toph with that look of shock that she always gave, despite the fact that Toph had no way of seeing it. “Toph, she --”  _

_ “Nope.” Toph held up a palm and shook her head. “She’s got work to do. It’ll be good for her to get a distraction.” _

_ “You’re not her boss anymore,” Katara practically hissed.  _

_ “I don’t care. I know I’ve always let her do what she wants, but I can’t bend on this.” _

_ Lin had been mindlessly staring at her exposed skin for the last five minutes as she sat on the bathroom floor. Sickly fascinated. Katara’s glowing blue water shifted everything to purple -- the slashes, the blood, the surrounding pinkness of swollen skin.  _ Disgusting. _ She had grown far too accustomed to the sight of her own blood. It had been a shocking reminder to see Katara’s terrified reaction to it. Perhaps it was a bit unsettling, the way it followed the gridlines of the tile floor, forming little pools where the lines crossed.  _

_Katara left Lin with a cluster of bandages patched over her hip and pulled Toph into the other room. Lin picked up Katara’s voice._ Downward spiral _and_ dangerous _and_ treatment _was all she could pick out. Lin almost chuckled to herself, that the healer would even try. Intrigued nonetheless, Lin went and sat by the wall, once again listening through the door._ Déjà fucking vu _, she thought. It had only been a year or so since she had been in the same position on Air Temple Island._

_ Her mother’s voice came through clear. Harsh.  _

_ “She has a job to do,” Toph said. “And she isn’t a fucking teenager. She’s self-disciplined.” _

_ “It doesn’t matter how rational and disciplined she is,” Katara practically hissed. “Do you have any idea what’s going on at all? Things like this don’t just get fixed by perfectionism and a good job, for fuck’s sake.” _

_ “Katara, you know I respect your work, but I know my daughter. She’s not a kid anymore. I can promise, this is not as bad as it might seem to you.” _

_ Lin could sense the face of rage Katara must have taken on. “Not as bad? Spirits, Toph, I know you can’t see what’s happening in there, but I rarely ever see that much fucking blood, outside of the emergency center.”  _

_ Lin flinched. She rolled her eyes at herself, wondering when she might actually be involved in a face-to-face conversation instead of listening through wood and plaster like a little kid who grew up too fast. She pressed on the bandage Katara had placed over her butchered skin, gaining whatever sting she could from it. Not much, not quite enough. If she took the bandage off, Katara would know and drag her off to some psychiatric ward without another word.  _

_ Toph was speaking again, as calm as ever. “Listen, she’s on track to be promoted in the next few months. Locking her up in some padded room wouldn’t be good for anyone.” _

_ “No one’s trying to fucking lock her up.”  _ Shit. _ Katara’s voice was strained with the resistance of a shout. “Becoming Captain isn’t going to magically solve anything, either. It’s  _ her _ decision here, too.” _

_ Lin jumped as the door flew open again and Katara glared down at her, something burning around the edges of lapis eyes.  _

_ As the healer lifted Lin up by the arm, Lin asked, “Do I have to go?” _

_ Katara sat her down on the edge of the bathtub, hands firm on her upper arms. “Do  _ you _ want to go to the hospital, Lin? It’s your decision. Not mine or your mom’s.” _

_ Lin shook her head. Dumbfounded by how young and small she felt, as if she had regressed back twenty years, being promised free choice and autonomy by the adults who surely knew better than she did. _

_ “I don’t want to,” she said. Her voice broke.  _ Fuck. _ “I want to stay here.” She imagined silent monochrome rooms, soft-spoken therapists, writing stupid letters with fat markers and unsharpened pencils. Nothing could be worse, she thought. _

_ Not even trying to hide her frustration, Katara dropped her gaze for a moment. With a sigh, she said, “Fine.” _

_ Lin watched her gather up her bag and sat still as Katara took her by the face, forcing their eyes together. The waterbender’s fingers trembled on Lin’s neck. _

_ “You  _ will _ call me whenever you need to, okay?” Tears wobbled in Katara’s eyes. “With Kya away, I -- I need to make sure that at least you’re safe. Do you understand?” _

_ Eyes wide, Lin nodded again. “Yeah. Sure.” _

_ Once Katara and Toph had left her there, Lin spent the rest of the evening slowly cleaning darkening blood off of the bathroom floor.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to clarify that I am writing from past experience for a lot of these things. I’m trying my best to portray everything as accurately as possible while refraining from getting too detailed. I hope this is all getting communicated to y’all well! Thank you all so much for reading and commenting, I really appreciate it!!


	6. Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is alcohol/drunkenness in this chapter and some spicier content -- nothing explicit, but ~highly~ suggestive.

Lin watched Kya at the wedding. She looked sad, if Lin focused hard enough. Gorgeous, Lin thought, eyes following the sparkling streams of Kya’s hair, which had been woven into a loose braid that she draped over her shoulder. Shoulders which were exposed by blue sleeves that wrapped around her upper arms. 

Still, despite the graceful appearance, that strange aura of despair radiated around Kya in a shallow pool of grey (Lin almost rolled her eyes that she had even thought such a thing). Kya gripped her hands together while standing near the door to the kitchen. Lin watched her look around the swinging party like a shy bridesmaid. 

Already with a couple drinks soaking into her veins, Lin couldn’t help herself from staring. She crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes when Ikki ran up to her aunt, giggling. Kya smiled, or at least put on a smile convincingly, and let Ikki drag her over to the dance floor. 

The waterbender’s dress spun around her knees freely as she danced with Ikki, slender hands twirling her niece in circles, her eyes crinkling in that pretty way that made Lin wish she weren’t so far away. 

\----------------------

_ “Kya, I have a speech to give in half an hour,” insisted Lin, barely getting any words out over Kya’s hot lips on the back of her neck. _

_ “You underestimate me,” Kya purred. She let her eyes close as she breathed Lin’s skin. The Lieutenant had never been one for perfumes or strong body washes, but she liked to dab little dots of oils on her wrists and collarbones. She smelled intoxicatingly like earth and frankincense. _

_ “How so?” Lin almost laughed. _

_ Kya let her fingers drift beneath Lin’s undershirt. “You should know how quickly I can get a job done.” _

_ “You mean you won’t have plenty of time to fuck me after my responsibilites are finished with tonight?” _

_ Hand turning Lin’s chin so she could connect their lips, Kya murmured, “I think I could offer a little warm-up for you. Though I wouldn’t mind an encore later.” _

_ After a long kiss, Lin tossed the shirt she had been holding to the side and turned to allow Kya to shove her against the bedroom wall. As firm kisses descended her neck and chest, Lin thanked the spirits that her mother had left the house hours before. _

_ “You’re insufferable, Kya,” Lin panted as the waterbender lifted her up onto the lacquered dresser.  _

_ “Mmm, you love it.” Kya dropped down to kiss that spot inside the crook of Lin’s knee that made her dig her fingers into the edge of the wood. “You know you need to loosen up before public appearances.” _

_ “Shut up and fuck me, if you’re so eager.” _

_ Almost laughing, Kya jabbed, “You’re one to talk. You’re just fucking dying to get my mouth on you and you’re so terrible at hiding it.” She insistently formed little red marks on the inside of Lin’s thighs as she spoke. She knew the awareness of the loving bruises beneath Lin’s uniform would drive her insane, especially while she tried to focus on her carefully-chosen words later in the night. _

\----------------------

“Hey,” came Kya’s voice from behind Lin, as she came to take a seat at the bar. “Can I sit with you?”

“I suppose,” Lin answered, despite how her stomach was leaping with excited nerves at Kya’s presence. She gladly started on a second glass of whiskey, the Varrick International brand that sat behind the bar in horribly-bedazzled purple bottles.

After a healthy order of  shōchū was set in front of her, Kya glanced over at Lin to attempt gentle eye contact. “I’m sorry for running off the other night,” she said. “I didn’t mean to leave you so quick like that. I hope it didn’t offend you or anything.”

“No, it didn’t.” Lin was grateful for the strength that Varrick chose to manufacture into his whiskey. It didn’t pain her to have this conversation with Kya. “I think I figured out what made you so upset.”

The waterbender nodded. She looked away, cheeks flushing darker with alcohol or discomfort or both. “Yeah. I assumed you would.”

Kya’s plaited hair reminded Lin of the way that Suki would do up their hair when they were kids. She said it was good to get out of the way and made fighting easier. Mind freed by the whiskey, Lin wondered if there was something symbolically defensive about Kya’s choice of hairstyle. 

“I hope it didn’t upset you too badly,” said Lin, without thinking. 

Slipping in a smile, Kya slipped her hand off her glass and set it flat, palm-down on the surface of the counter. “No, Lin. It didn’t. Just spooked me a bit, that’s all.”

A thin shimmer of blue had been applied to Kya’s fingernails, and Lin imagined Ikki picking out the color, insisting it matched her eyes or her dress or some artistic bullshit. It did pair nicely with such things, Lin found herself admitting. 

“Are _you_ alright?" Kya asked. “You seem distracted.”

“I’m fine. You just look very nice.”

“Oh. Well, thank you.”

_ Fuck.  _ Lin turned away and hid her face with a new glass of amber whiskey. 

“I think you look lovely,” said Kya, with another small grin. “I love the green on you, it looks really beautiful.”

Lin almost choked on her drink.  _ Beautiful, huh?  _ What a word, Lin thought, to hear in reference to herself. “Thanks,” she managed to stammer out, wiping her mouth.

“It reminds me of what you wore for -- Oh, what was it?” Kya tapped a finger on the wood counter in thought. “That speech? For Delun’s initiation ceremony? I remember how good you looked in that gold and green. Not that it stayed on for very long after I got you back to your apartment, huh?”

Lin felt frozen. Kya had never mentioned anything having to do with their past relationship in the last twenty years, at least. Their conversations had never wandered so far, certainly not since Kya had been in the city, maybe not even since Aang died. 

Forcing herself to stand, Lin accepted her lack of inhibitions and said, “I’m going back home. You’re welcome to come with me. I just think I’d really like to get out of here.”

“Of course,” Kya agreed. “I’m glad I’m not the only one.”

\-----------------------------

“Your place is so nice,” Kya commented. She wore the suit jacket that Lin had offered her on the walk to her apartment. “I love the earth tones.” 

Distracted by Kya slipping the outer layer off of lithe arms, Lin only said, “Thank you. It took me a while to get into any kind of decoration.” She brought a new bottle of fire whiskey over to the coffee table and dealt out two glasses, settling in a leather armchair.

“Did you get this from Izumi?” joked Kya, recognizing the gold-and-red insignia on the wax seal of the bottle. 

“She’s really excellent at gift-giving, isn’t she? I think I get one of these from her every year.”

Kya took a healthy sip and blinked at the spice. “I have a cabinet full of it somewhere.”

Lin was sure she was going to explode, watching Kya settle on her couch, chin cocked atop her hand, dress fitted tight around her torso and breasts. Kya looked absolutely delicious and _holy fuck_ did Lin just want to --

“So, have you been seeing anyone?”

“Huh?”

“You know, are any pretty people joining you in this nice big apartment?” 

Lin watched Kya lean forward to set an empty glass on the coffee table. She remembered that Kya was anything but a light drinker, despite a shockingly low tolerance. 

“Not really, no,” responded Lin. “Not for a long time, at least.” 

She thought back at least a few years, to the man who ran customer service in the Future Industries marketing department. She had gotten drinks with him a few times before having desperate, half-clothed sex in a flurry of menopausal hormone imbalance. And the woman she met at a city event (a year ago, maybe). A legal advisor for the city prosecutors, and at least a good fifteen years Lin's junior. She was pretty and kind enough, but came with a heavy dose of mommy issues that Lin was far from equipped to deal with.

“Really?” Kya acted wildly over-surprised. “I would think everyone in this city would be hankering for a piece of our strapping Chief of Police.” She scooted nearer and leaned over the arm of the couch. Something had darkened on her cheeks.

“Turns out, I’m a bit intimidating for most. Most people prefer a woman who’s easy to fuck and leave in a bar somewhere.” The harshness of her words hardly registered -- she floated above her chair on a little cloud of alcohol and couldn’t focus on anything but Kya’s sparkling eyes. The whiskey had hit her quicker than she expected and it took effort to make her words perfectly coherent.

Gaze wandering up and down Lin’s form, Kya said, “Even the women around here? I think they’d love someone so --” She shifted up to position herself on the arm of the couch, “-- accomplished. And smart.”

Lin chuckled and made no reaction to Kya’s hand on her forearm. “Anything else to add?”

“And strong, and lovely.” Her thumb brushed against Lin’s cheek. “And beautiful.” Their faces were inches away from each other. Lin smelled Kya’s hair wash -- comfortingly familiar. Something to ground herself with. 

Lin found her own hand on Kya’s neck and examined her face. Pretty nose, soft lips, inebriated smile. 

"What're you thinking about?" Kya asked quietly.

Lin stared at Kya's mouth, momentarily forgetting how to speak. “You smell nice.”

“Then kiss me.”

“Okay.”

When their lips met, Lin wondered if she was processing the night’s events correctly. 

_ Fucking whiskey,  _ she managed to think, knowing she had forgotten that alcohol was often the cause of their intimate encounters in the past. Lin wondered when they had reached this point, alone in her apartment with her childhood friend, thrown into pent-up lust like they were kids again.

But somehow, Kya ended up in Lin’s lap, both pairs of liquor-painted lips locked together. Lin’s hands instinctively found themselves at the waterbender’s hips, pulling her in closer while Kya’s fingers easily found the curve of Lin’s breasts under her shirt. 

“You’re so fucking gorgeous,” Kya breathed, hot on Lin’s face. “Always. You’ve always been so fucking beautiful.”

The uninhibited compliments sent heat straight to Lin’s core and she was alarmed and pleased by Kya’s hands on her body. “Kya --”

“Hmm?” Kya hummed while sucking on the soft skin below Lin’s ear. She undulated her hips rhythmically. Both were certainly too intoxicated by lust and everything else, too overtaken to keep their motions quiet.

It dawned on Lin where this was heading, amidst the cloud in her head. “We don’t have to do this,” she barely whispered, despite the fact that she could feel herself pulling Kya in closer, wanting to feel her skin, wanting to touch and taste and kiss her. Everywhere.

“Do you want to?” Kya asked, hand already reaching for Lin’s hip.

“Yes.” Lin slipped the word out against her focus on Kya’s thigh pressing in between her own. Panting between breathless kisses, Lin felt her hands cup around Kya’s breasts, already half-exposed by her dress, which had been jostled out of order. Messy strands of disrupted hair brushed against Lin’s collarbone as Kya descended hot kisses down her neck, pulling her shirt out of the way before ravishing Lin’s chest.

Head clouded and body lost in a million different sensations, Lin surrendered to her desire and set a commanding hand on the back of Kya’s head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The number of past memories in here will become less frequent, as real time stuff will start to be more… intense.   
> I hope y’all liked this “Ode to Horniness” chapter. Leave a comment if you have any thoughts, and thank y’all so much for reading! Stay safe :)


	7. Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oopsie, this one ended up being a bit long… Anyway, TW for injury/healing, non-graphic discussion of self-harm, brief mention of alcohol, and (very) brief mention of disordered eating behavior.

However they got to the bedroom wasn’t important. Kya awoke without recollection of their clothes coming off, despite them being scattered around the floor. She was positive that her body had received more than its fair share of attention, judging by the red and purple marks dotting her chest and hips, not to mention a lingering moisture between her legs. _Impressive._

Kya gave herself a minute to acknowledge the slight pain in her forehead before sitting up to drink the water out of a glass on the nightstand, a welcome relief to her horribly dry mouth. Looking over to see her naked childhood friend curled around a jumble of sheets, Kya thought, _This certainly was a choice, wasn’t it?_

Still, Kya’s heart swelled a bit for the woman sleeping peacefully beside her -- face calm, lacking any hard anger or determination. Kya was able to take in her long, powerful legs and arms, with the sheet pulled tightly around her strong hips, showing off the feminine curve of her waist. Broad shoulders led down to calloused hands. 

Kya smiled to herself. She gently reached out to trace her fingers over Lin’s forehead and cheek, content with how soft her skin felt. She rubbed Lin’s shoulder and descended to run her thumb lovingly back and forth over an exposed length of Lin’s thigh. Perhaps it was an odd situation, but Kya thought it was quite nice to enjoy the morning silence of Lin’s room and admire her gentle appearance.

At the feeling of something abnormal, Kya remembered the presence of her hand. She looked down to where her fingers were brushing over Lin’s hip -- a series of small lines pressed up against the pad of her thumb. Without much need for a closer look, Kya was able to identify pale white and purple streaks in Lin’s skin. 

_What?_

Dozens of them. Undeniable lines criss-crossed Lin’s thighs and hips, a gruesome old map of white and healing red showing routes of sharpened steel. Kya shook her head and had to take a breath.

These weren’t occupational injuries. Nothing at work would have done this. 

She yanked her hand back at the realization. Kya’s eyes drifted in a panic around the room as she tried to gather her thoughts, make sense of what she had just seen. _No._

She had healed injuries like this before. Mostly young people, coming into the hospital after going too far. Needing a few stitches and a hug before being sent off to a psych unit. School kids. College students. Young teenagers. Not Lin. 

Lin was always sturdy. Resilient. Busting down law-breakers, not being broken by a single thing, Kya thought. 

At least not that she let anyone see.

**\-------------------**

_Lin arrived in the healing hut in the deepest, most genuine state of exhaustion Kya had ever seen. She stood by the door with her hands hanging at her sides like they weighed a hundred pounds each, complete with scratches and bruises. One of her fingernails had been ripped halfway off._

_Kya quickly wrapped up her check-in with the man in the corner and ran over to Lin, just then noticing the extent of Lin’s injuries._

_“Spirits, Lin, what on Earth did you get yourself into?” Kya ushered her over to a bed and pulled the privacy curtain to offer some seclusion._

_Lin’s jaw had a cut, descending from her ear halfway to her chin, bandaged up by someone who wasn’t particularly skilled at bandaging. She sat with a huff of breath._

_“You know what happened,” said Lin, voice tense. “Don’t pretend like your mother didn’t tell you.”_

_Kya shut her eyes for a moment as she gathered a bowl of water. “I know. I’m -- I’m so sorry, Lin, I’m so sorry about your bending. We’ll do everything we can.”_

_Eyes darkened with pain and exhaustion, Lin nodded. Her jaw tightened. Kya wondered if she had let herself cry in the last seventy-two hours, but she hardly wanted to imagine what the past few days had been like for Lin. It made her stomach hurt._

_The younger woman remained tense as Kya removed the bandage from her jaw. She gently healed the lesion, watching how Lin eerily stared at the floor, displaying nothing. Even Kya, equipped with spiritual and emotional training, couldn’t find any betrayal of feeling in Lin’s face._

_Done with the cut, Kya said, “Let me take a look at you. Turn around for me.”_

_Lin hesitated, then turned her back to Kya. Slowly, the waterbender slipped her hands under the hem of Lin’s undershirt to roll it upwards. She lifted the dirtied fabric up to hang around Lin’s neck as Lin leaned her elbows on her knees to allow Kya access to the scrapes and bruises along her side and backbone._

_Kya couldn’t help the pity in her eyebrows. She knew Lin hated sympathy of any kind, but seeing her old friend -- her old lover -- covered in purple bruises and electrical burns was enough to make her hold back tears._

_“I wish you had come to me sooner,” said Kya quietly. “Or called. I could have gone up to the city to help you.”_

_Lin shook her head, only to remove the images of her days alone, lying in the rain, sitting in depressing silence in the radio room at the station._

_Kya ran a gentle hand down Lin’s side to spread glowing water over her bruises. “Do you think you could take off your sweatpants for me?”_

_Lin tensed her shoulders. “No.”_

_“It won’t take long, honey. Please?”_

_“It’s fine. It doesn’t hurt.” She worked her arms back through the sleeves of her shirt as she began to stand._

_“Doesn’t hurt?” Kya grabbed Lin’s arms, keeping her from walking out. “Lin, your stomach is purple, and I can tell there’s bruising all down your legs.”_

_“I’m fine, Kya. Spirits. I’ve been through worse.”_

_“For fuck’s sake, quit being Miss Tough Girl for once and let me fucking heal you.” Kya motioned to the bed again. “It’s not like I haven’t been up-close and personal with your body before.”_

_Suddenly turning her eyes away, Lin answered, “No, Kya. I’m going back to the house.” After situating her shirt in a final motion of defiance, she added: “Thank you.”_

_As the curtain swung out of the way, Kya watched her cross the room and slide the door shut. Heart hurting, Kya wished that she had never let Lin feel like such a stranger._

**\------------------**

“Good morning.”

Lin’s sleepy voice and calloused hand on Kya’s back pulled her out of her thoughts. Kya grinned back at her, hardly noticing the woman’s unapologetic nudity, despite her wakefulness. 

“What’re you thinking about?” Lin asked, looking up at Kya sleepily.

“Just -- Just thinking about what things used to be like,” said Kya, with some emptiness to her voice. She rested her chin on her arm, knees pulled up to her chest. 

The sheets rustled as Lin adjusted and asked, “Is everything okay?”

 _She has no idea._ That was some powerful whiskey. “Yeah.” Kya leaned back again and draped an experimental arm over Lin’s stomach. When Lin didn’t tense, Kya settled herself against Lin’s body and made a very nice pillow out of her chest. 

“You don’t need to stay,” Lin said quietly. She touched Kya’s shoulder cautiously, allowing for the woman to bolt if she decided to. “If you need to get back to the island.”

Kya found herself tightening her arm around Lin. Her mind wasn’t on the island or wondering what anyone was doing there. She wondered how tired and disoriented Lin must be to forget about the terrain of her own skin. Did she think about those scars often? Was it possible she knew and didn’t mind? _Not a chance._

Mouth grazing against messy hair, Lin took a deep breath. “Or you’re welcome to stay.”

Kya needed to think hard to keep herself from wandering a hand back to Lin’s hip, feeling for what she had seen, to keep herself from searching for the answer to some question that perhaps was written in Lin’s skin. Instead, she pulled herself against Lin tighter, forehead ending up tucked into the crook of her neck. 

“You’re sure you’re alright?” Lin asked again. Her thumb brushed lightly over Kya’s temple. 

“I’m fine. Just… I could definitely use some water.” Kya remembered her headache. An opportunity to progress the situation. “And some coffee, or something.”

“Sure. I’ll go put some water on.”

Lin gave Kya’s shoulder a squeeze before shifting up to pull the night’s discarded undershirt over her bare torso. Kya slipped into the bathroom with her dress to allow for more private dressing.

As she slipped on the previous night’s clothes, she realized something very quickly -- Lin certainly had not taken note of how exposed her skin was, _every_ inch of it. Even those pale lines that Kya had ghosted her fingers over. Perhaps it was the haze of the last fourteen hours. Or maybe it really just wasn’t something Lin considered very often. 

But those scars were undeniable, far too characteristic and obvious to be anything but what Kya suspected. How long ago had they healed? Kya should know, but she hadn’t looked closely enough to tell. 

Anxiety tumbled from Kya’s chest down to her knees, red and purple worry that made her fingertips tremble. She leaned her back on the bathroom counter and covered her face with shaking hands, thinking. Debating. 

_I’m a healer. I have to ask. I have to ask about it, right?_

_She’s vulnerable, though, you just fucking slept with her._

_Which I’ve done many times in the past. I have to ask about it, what if it’s still a problem?_

_Wouldn’t it be obvious if it was?_

_No. Not necessarily._

“Fuck,” Kya whispered to herself. Bringing her hands up to her hairline, she tried to ease her rolling anxiety. No one she had ever healed in a doctor’s office or hospital had made her feel so close to nervous tears, not warranting any personal follow-up. 

With a deep breath, she left the bathroom and stepped out into the expansive kitchen. Lin fussed with something on the counter, back turned, clad in green boxer shorts and an RCPD-branded T-shirt. In some other universe, Kya would be in the state to think Lin looked ravishingly handsome in her morning-after outfit, but the shaking of Kya’s fingers wouldn’t let her think about it. 

“The coffee will be done in a few minutes,” said Lin. “I’ll get something going here for breakfast.”

“Great.” Kya’s voice broke and she took a seat in one of the little stools around the opposite counter. As she watched Lin dig around a drawer of the refrigerator, she thought, _Spirits. She has no clue._

Perhaps if Lin had realized, taken notice of her exposed areas of skin after she had woken up, Kya wouldn’t be in the position of asking the awful questions. Lin would realize the visibility of those lines on her hips and angrily toss Kya out into the hall of the building and that would be that. The tough conversation could be saved for later. 

“Kya, are you sure you’re alright?” Lin asked, turned to face her, brows furrowed.

“Yeah.” Kya realized she had been chewing on her lip. A nervous habit. “Yeah, I just feel a bit weird. It’s nothing.”

Lin nodded, a bit awkwardly, and turned back to the counter. 

“Actually --” Kya stopped. She needed to plan out her words carefully. “Can I -- Can I ask you something?”

Taking the hot water off the stovetop, Lin agreed, “Sure.”

Every word felt wrong. Trying to organize her sentences in her head proved to be quite the challenge and Kya took to chewing on her lip again to think.

Confused by the silence, Lin looked back at her. “Kya?”

“Have you ever hurt yourself?”

It came out quicker than Kya could think on it. Inhaling sharply, she watched Lin whip back around, turning her back to the waterbender again, becoming as still as stone in an instant. As badly as Kya wanted to throw in a tension-reducer, her throat wouldn’t move, feeling sticky with suppressed anxious tears.

In Lin’s head was nothing but panic. Her heart pounded into the floor and she thanked the spirits that Kya wasn’t an earthbender.

“What do you mean?” Lin finally asked. The last word wavered.

The idea of elaborating made Kya cringe. Going into detail seemed presumptuous or disgusting or both.

Instead, feeling a bit like a child counselor, she quietly said, “Lin, you -- you know what I mean.”

Shutting her eyes tight, Lin set her hands in fists on the countertop. _Fucking idiot. You’re an idiot, Lin._ She dug her fingernails into her palms. She wondered how the hell she had let herself forget about the damage evident in her skin.

The police chief’s mannerisms were shockingly similar to that of the psychiatric patients Kya had worked with. Kya also needed a moment to shut her eyes, understanding that what she had seen wasn’t just something she had dreamed up.

“I’d like you to leave.” Lin’s voice cut the silence. Quiet, but it seemed to bounce off of every surface, hitting Kya hard in the chest. Lin put all her energy into keeping her voice from shaking. 

That was it for Kya’s withheld emotion. Eyes welling up, she said, “Lin, I’m sorry, I just wanted to --”

“You wanted to what?” Lin turned again as if to look at Kya before realizing she couldn’t. “Come in here and catch me off-guard with some emotional bullshit? You can’t do that to me, Kya.”

Kya shook her head slowly. “I have to worry over you. I always have. And -- And when I see something that worries me…” Her voice trailed off. Another deep breath and she managed, “I have to make sure you’re safe. Some of those -- Some of those scars clearly aren’t faded yet and I care about you.”

“I don’t need your worry. I don’t need anyone’s fucking sympathy, you should know that I make it on my own and I always have.”

“Make it on your own?” asked Kya incredulously. “Honey, you say you can make it on your own when I’ve just brought up convincing evidence that strongly suggests otherwise.”

“I was fucked up once upon a time, Kya. I don’t need anyone taking care of me.”

“You clearly did,” insisted Kya. “You clearly needed someone at some point.”

“Sure, I did. Sure. And I frankly don’t really give a shit now, what’s done is done.”

“But you never… you never called me?” Kya jabbed her fingers against her chest. Brimming tears took messy paths down her cheeks. “Holy shit, Lin. You never thought to get some damn help?”

“And what the hell was I supposed to do?” Lin squeezed her upper arms. “What would you have me do? Shut myself alone in some empty room?”

Kya’s hands fell helplessly to her sides. “You never learned a goddamn thing, Lin. You never once fucking learned that we give a shit about you. You wouldn’t ever let me or Mom or Tenzin or anyone just fucking help you out.”

“You? Kya, I’ll be the first to admit that I might be a dumbass, but why are you suddenly the face of stability? You went and spent your time sailing around the world and shoving your fucking fingers down your throat.”

Kya’s face fell. Her tense shoulders slumped.

 _Fuck._ Lin would have thrown her hands over her mouth if she hadn’t been so shocked with herself, instead just turning her head away in a motion of shame and frustration. “I -- fuck, I shouldn’t… I shouldn’t have said that. I --” 

An apology wouldn’t come out. It felt like something she didn’t deserve to deliver.

“Lin.” Kya begged for something with one word.

“Just go, Kya,” Lin said again. Her hollow voice got swallowed up by the air between them. “Please.”

A suppressed sob, and then Kya was at the door, yanking it open. She could have offered some dramatic final word, slipped in the last statement of anger or sadness or whatever, but instead she slipped out silently. The door clicked shut.

Lin gripped the edge of the counter hard to keep herself from punching her fist into it. _Nice job, dumbass._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry :( Arguments are not my strongest area of dialogue, so I hope the tone was communicated well.  
> Thank y’all so much for reading! Leave a comment if you’d like to share any thoughts. Take it easy, friends!


	8. Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this update took a little while -- life has been kicking my ass and I really wanted to put my best effort into the pacing and details of this chapter. It also ended up kinda long, so I apologize for that!  
> Some substantial trigger warnings for this one: some disordered eating behaviors, mention of alcohol, and non-detailed but very obvious description of self-harm.

_ The island stayed quiet throughout the morning while Lin stayed there, still on her mother’s orders. More quiet than usual, Kya thought. The floorboards creaked loudly as Kya listened to Lin approach her room early one morning, barely past seven o’clock, and she heard Lin knock softly at the door. Kya hummed in acknowledgement. _

_ Lying on her side in bed, Kya felt Lin’s eyes on her when she opened the door. Realizing her state was clearly a concerning one, sheets perfectly made and still dressed in her normal day clothes, she stared at the opposite wall to promote something calm and normal. Her radio in the corner played a staticky morning news show.  _ (It’s seven-fifteen here in Republic City _ , the anchor reported cheerfully. _ Another beautiful, sunny day.)

_ “Your mom just finished making breakfast,” said Lin. _

_ “I’m fine.” Kya bounced her foot a little on the bed. She wore pink socks with holes in the toes. _

_ “You didn’t have any dinner last night,” Lin commented with skepticism in her voice. “You should come get something.” _

_ “M’not hungry.” _

_ Kya was starving. She knew that Lin hadn’t seen her eat more than a few bites in days and she knew that her hands were visibly trembling, though she couldn’t bring herself to say anything else. _

_ “Could I bring you something to eat?” asked Lin, with desperation tinting her voice blue. _

_ Kya swung her feet down to the floor and stood slowly, pausing in the middle of the room to blink and take a breath, letting the static behind her eyes settle. She didn’t turn off the radio as she stepped towards the door silently, offering no response. _

_ Lin pointed at the little old radio as Kya approached the door. “How can you listen to that all night long?” _

_ Passing Lin in the doorway, Kya answered, “Keeps my mind off things.” _

_ Her heart jumped when she felt Lin’s hand dart out to wrap around her own, squeezing tight for a second. Kya looked down to where their bodies had linked, shocked by her own confusion at the feeling of Lin’s skin. Calloused and gentle, like always. Kya’s eyes moved back up to meet Lin’s cloudy gaze. _

_ “Sorry.” Lin yanked back as quickly as she had reached out. She tangled her hands together in front of her chest. “I’m sorry.” _

_ “It’s fine, Lin.” Kya sighed. She chewed on her lip before reaching her shaking fingers up, inches away from the other woman’s cheek as if to touch. Her stomach turned. Hand falling, Kya spun away into the hall and disappeared into the bathroom. _

_ Kya turned on the shower right away, letting the sound fill up the walls, pellets of water smacking into porcelain. Silence was the most sickening thought in the world.  _

_ \-------------------- _

“You aren’t eating,” Bumi sing-songed as he came up behind his sister to sit with her. Trying to diffuse the tension.

Kya only kept swirling the water in her glass. She had nothing to say to that. 

Bumi tried to search for eye contact and said, “I remember the last time you were like this. Are you thinking about it again?”

“I guess. But it’s not just that.”

“Hmm. Might it have something to do with a certain police chief?”

Kya rubbed her hand over her face, most certainly not in the mood for her brother’s joking tone. Her temples had begun to hurt again. 

“Because, y’know, I’d offer you a drink, but it would seem the both of you had more than your fair share last night.”

“Shut the fuck up, Bumi.” Kya didn’t need to be reminded of the intimacy she and Lin had shared. It clearly meant nothing now.

Bumi crossed his arms, looking his sister up and down. “Did she hurt you?”

_ Hurt _ could mean any number of things. Kya shrugged. “We fought about something. She told me to leave.”

Nodding, Bumi evaluated his sister’s state and noted her trembling fingers and hooded eyes. He got up and retrieved a sleeve of crackers from the cabinet to set in front of her. “Eat, Kya.”

“I’m fine.”

“You absolutely fucking are not,” he insisted. “In six hours, your fingernails will be blue. Eat something for me.”

The shaking inside her was too familiar to argue her way out. As she shoved a cracker into her mouth, Bumi asked, “What did you fight about?”

Kya shook her head. It seemed wrong to share Lin’s supposed baggage with him, especially when Kya herself shouldn’t have even known. “The past,” she said. “The whole time when we were younger, and… apparently things were more complicated than they seemed.”

Bumi nodded in comprehension.

“I -- I wanted to talk to her about it, I thought --” She shook her head again. Tiny tears had sprouted in her eyes. “I thought that spending the night together… I know we were fucking wasted, but I thought it might mean something. To her. Like, maybe we could try again, now that life has settled down.”

Bumi offered her another cracker.

“I guess I was wrong, though.” Kya tapped her finger on the counter, chin resting in her hand. “But she was so sweet. She made me coffee and everything. She smiled at me.”

“Lin has always been complex,” said Bumi with a sigh. “And if she’s making you fall into old impulses…” 

“It’s not her fault,” Kya said truthfully. “Everything has been harder these last few weeks. I want… I want us to be able to talk about things together, and I thought she might be able to open up to me.”

Bumi took a moment to examine his sister’s look of dejection. “Do you think you want to try to reconnect with her again?”

Kya covered half her face with her hand again. Her fingers didn’t shake as much. “I’d like to. I think… she’s so sweet. And she didn’t mean to upset me, I know she didn’t. She’s defensive by nature.”

“Well.” Bumi nodded his head once and twirled a little cyclone of air around his finger. “I know you don’t like to be reminded of this, but Lin  _ was _ absolutely devastated when you left to travel, all those years ago. Things were hell for her at work and she did really miss you.”

Sighing, Kya set her face in her arms atop the counter. Her muffled voice murmured, “This is so fucking hard.”

“It is.” Bumi rubbed a hand over her back. Once upon a time, he might be able to feel every contour of her backbone and shoulder blades instead of soft flesh beneath her dress. “It is. But you’ll figure it out, yeah?”

Propping her chin up on her wrist, she said, “Yeah. I hope we will.”

**\----------------------**

Lin thanked the spirits that she had planned a day off work after the wedding. Her two-days-younger self had predicted the hangover -- the strange attack of anxiety was the thing she had not managed to foresee. 

_ Idiot, _ she repeated to herself, sitting in that leather armchair. The chair, that place where Kya had kissed her the night before, Lin managed to pull out of that drunken haze. Lin let her hands fall to her upper thighs and slip just a few inches beneath her boxer shorts, curious to remind herself of what it was Kya might have seen. It made her spine tingle uncomfortably.

A distant sound jerked Lin out of the cloud above her head. A knock at the door, the characteristic gentle and yet urgent knock that Lin had come to subconsciously identify as her sister’s.

“Not now, Su,” Lin called out. Her frustrated tears from earlier in the morning still lingered, on top of the dozens of other reasons that she was not in the mood for visitors. 

“Yes, now.” Su continued her obnoxious knocking. “Don’t be an ass.”

Lin ran her hands over her face with an annoyed groan.  _ I’m gonna fucking kill her.  _ Pulling herself up to stand,  she crossed the room to angrily yank the lock open and crack the door. 

“I know you took the day off, but the evacuee camp needs --” Suyin froze as her eyes landed on her sister. With a glance up and down, she redirected her tone: “What the fuck happened to you?”

Lin sighed with frustration. “Tactful. What about the evacuee camp?”

Su’s eyes lingered on Lin’s face as she slowly said, “They need more police assistance for the south side.” A pause, and then she continued, “Are you okay?”

“I’ll call Mako to help.” Lin set her hand on the doorknob to close it, ready to fall back into her lonesome despair. “Thanks for letting me know.”

Su jammed the doorknob in place with a flick of her finger. Her face had an uncharacteristic look of concern and she leaned against the doorframe. “Talk to me for once, Lin. You were crying in here. What happened?” 

“Nothing. Just… had too much to drink last night.”

Rolling her eyes, Su said, “I could have told you that. Can I come in, or do you want all of your neighbors to hear us talking?”

Lin shut her eyes in annoyance before walking away from the door, falling back into her chair and crossing her arms. She watched Su take a seat at the end of the couch. 

“You brought Kya back here last night,” said Su. “I saw you two leaving the island.”

“Yeah. What of it?”

Su’s eyes fell to the half-empty bottle of fire whiskey still sitting on the coffee table. She picked it up and turned it in her hands, as if examining a very fine sample of liquor for some upscale restaurant. “Well, I wonder if your current state might have anything to do with her.”

For some reason, Lin couldn’t bring herself to lie to her sister. Perhaps it was the years of estrangement, or Su’s genuine desire to help, but Lin could only take a deep breath that likely said more than she meant for it to.

“Did you fuck her?” 

Lin groaned again and dropped her forehead to her hands. “Very tactful, Su.”

There was her answer, regardless of if Lin was happy to give it or not. “So I assume the morning didn’t go well, then.”

“No.” Lin sighed. “It didn’t.”

Su offered a gracious few seconds of silence for once, allowing her sister to gather herself. “Can I ask you something?”

“Fucking go for it.”

“Do you think you still love her?”

_Straight to the fucking point, like always._ “There’s no getting anything past you, is there?” Lin almost growled. As much as she wanted to keep up the façade of frustration, she couldn’t help but question herself for a moment: had she ever actually said  _ I love you _ to Kya, at any point in time? Had there ever been a moment in the heat of sex or the end of a phone call when it had slipped out?

Still, whether or not she had ever said it had no bearing on if it was true or not. Lin almost shook her head in response to Su’s question, but stopped herself.

“I don’t know,” she said. “I don’t know. I might, but -- she pissed me off, and I think… I think I may have really hurt her. I don’t know.”

Su responded with a nod. After a minute of watching new tears form in Lin’s eyes, she moved to perch herself on the arm of the couch and set a careful hand on her sister’s shoulder, warm and surprisingly comforting.

As Lin felt her emotions taking over again, she covered her face with one hand while taking hold of her sister’s with the other. The offer of comfort was nice, though the memories flooding back in would take more than a consoling hand to combat.

**\----------------------**

_ Kya had run away from the city at the end of the summer. The only person she had informed of her departure was her mother, with her brothers and father away for business purposes. She disappeared with no indication of where she was going, or why -- though, admittedly, it wasn’t difficult to work out the reason. _

_ No matter where it was Kya went, regardless of if she sent a scribbled note about staying with Izumi or visiting the Western Air Temple to “clear her head,” it did nothing to make Lin feel any better about her own crumbling life.  _

_ The woman she cared for more than anything was gone, far enough away that Lin was left with nothing. Nothing to smile about, nothing happy to imagine, nothing bright to see in the sky or the trees or the pictures hanging on her walls. The world had faded to monochrome, like she had turned the saturation down on life altogether. _

_ Lin’s nights became her time to escape. She turned her desire for pain into a sick ritual that she dedicated time and effort to. While her colleagues were getting drinks after work, she would be locking doors and unplugging phones while filling up a bath, a glass of whiskey and some sharpened steel sitting on the bathroom counter.  _

_ The stinging that would linger in her skin granted her the relief she never had. It was something she could control, amongst the crumbling feelings of numbness and anxiety. She could take the time to examine the damage she had done in the mirror, bandage herself up nicely, and take a moment to forget about the mess waiting for her once she woke up.  _

**\--------------------**

Lin’s apartment building was just barely visible from the highest point on the island. Kya crawled up to the ledge outside the women’s dormitory, feeling like a young child again, and imagined she could see clearly enough to make out the window in Lin’s kitchen. Maybe if she looked hard enough, she could find Lin preparing dinner, cooking up some leftovers or something. Maybe the space between them wouldn’t feel quite so significant.

Kya could take that thought and turn it into a tiny little dream, a scene in her head of the two of them back in that apartment again. What the morning might have looked like, the nice breakfast and lazy kisses they could have shared if Kya hadn’t worried so much.

_ If only you’d never run away in the first place, _ Kya scolded herself. She angrily wiped hot tears away with the back of her hand.  _ Maybe she wouldn’t keep feeling like such a fucking stranger.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank y'all so much for reading. Your comments make me so happy and I love hearing what y'all think! I hope everyone is staying safe out there!


	9. Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is going to be… heavy. Trigger warnings for talk of eating disorders, death, self-harm, body image, alcohol, blood, knives, vomiting, injuries, and brief discussion of suicide and hospitals. All that being said, most of those things are pretty briefly mentioned, however they certainly warrant a warning.  
> This one did take me a long-ass time to get through, and I ended up rewriting a lot of it over and over, so I hope y’all enjoy it!

_ After leaving home to travel the world, Kya didn’t see Lin again for another four years. When she looked back in those memories, she wished to every power in the world that their reunion had been under some happy circumstance, some coincidental meeting at a bar or family event that Kya finally didn’t feel the urge to avoid. _

_ But it was Aang’s funeral that finally brought them back together. Kya had hardly considered that Lin was sure to be present, and her stomach about dropped to her feet when their eyes briefly met across the meditation hall. Kya thought she might find something bright and lively and emerald around her pupils.  _

_ She had heard about Lin’s relationship with Tenzin, kindled a couple of years after Kya’s departure, and she had oddly neutral feelings on the subject. She thought perhaps Lin had found genuine happiness in her career and domestic life -- but behind her eyes was nothing but reddened emptiness. The newly-instated police captain stood stiffly by the back wall, as if providing security at some important, high-profile event. _

_ Truthfully, Kya was well aware that she didn’t look much better herself. Years of on-and-off self-destruction had devastated her natural beauty and liveliness, and her father’s death hadn’t helped. Katara had used the reunion with her daughter as a moment of intervention, finally asserting that Kya would return to the South with her following the funeral proceedings. _

_ (“It’s been years, sweetheart,” Katara had said to her. “You’ve worn yourself out. Let’s go home and fix all this.”) _

_ Kya slipped away from the quiet gathering after the service, overwhelmed by the sympathetic smiles and concerned glances. She backed into a hallway and took a moment to breathe, the wooden wall hard against her backbone. She wanted to be away from the heaviness of the other room. The cracked door of a silent sitting room offered a chance to be alone. _

_ Or so she thought, until she elbowed the door open and realized she wasn’t alone in seeking a moment of solitude.  _

_ Lin, still uniformed, no longer stiff, sat on a cushioned window seat. One knee was bent and hugged tight to her chest. She was crying, hiccupping quietly into the back of her wrist, eyes squeezed shut as if she were determined to disrupt the empty room as little as possible. She held a wrinkled handkerchief, balled up in her hand. _

_ Frozen, Kya couldn’t bring herself to retreat into the hall. When Lin blinked and happened to lock eyes with the woman in the doorway, neither of them said a thing. _

_ Suddenly very aware of her shaking hands and sharp collarbones, Kya let her lips hang apart and only watched as Lin’s pathetic sobs resumed, turning back to the window. Kya didn’t note until later how her hair remained styled perfectly and not a single element of her work uniform had been jostled out of place.  _

_ After only a few seconds of standing there, taken aback, Kya noticed a yellow-robed figure swiftly approaching. Turning quickly, her little brother, also rather teary-eyed, stood beside her. Tenzin looked rapidly between her and his then-girlfriend, in her mess of tears on the windowsill. _

_ Kya took a breath before acknowledging how much she felt like she had disturbed something sacred and quiet, barging in like some pathogen on a perfectly functional organism. She mumbled a quick “sorry” before stumbling away to let her brother go console his girlfriend.  _

  


**\---------------------**

  


Lin came home the following evening with something rushing in her ears. Not blood or adrenaline, given her relatively calm day at work, but the day of quiet had proved to be the opposite of what she needed. 

Usually, slow crime days meant she could catch up on paperwork and sign off on whatever in the hell Mako brought to her desk. Any other time, a slow day would be welcomed. But with everything from the last several days piling up around her, the quiet gave her too much to think about.

Lin dropped a stack of papers on the counter and sat down with a glass of her remaining fire whiskey, flipping through the pages as if they might help her make any sense out of her jumbled thoughts.

First file, a documentation of recent tax fraud occurrences in the northern neighborhoods of the city. Likely related to low job availability.

Next -- a detailed description of individual injuries among the city’s evacuees. Burns and lacerations caused by fires and fallen debris, all evidence piling up against Kuvira and her military following.

And then, the repercussions. The families who had been displaced for weeks, those citizens and officers being cycled in and out of therapy, and those that hadn’t quite gotten there. Lin flipped the page on the file, fingers shaking, eerily warning her of what was written there.

A young woman, aged twenty-eight, from an Earth Kingdom family on the border of the United Republic, found dead in the kitchen of her apartment after being returned to the city. The ruling was suicide, after every other possibility was overturned. She was a legal advisor, born to a wealthy family, somehow estranged from her parents. Her case file bore a long list of her medical history -- psych ward at thirteen, rehab at twenty-one, psych ward again at twenty-five. Talented. Smart. No known family or close friends in the city. 

Lin dropped the papers. Whatever it was about this girl’s life that made her stomach turn, Lin wasn’t sure -- years of reading this shit had hardened her to such things. But water trembled in her eyes and she felt the panic rise in her throat as she grasped at the sides of her metal uniform instinctively, wishing she could grab at her skin through it. Her knuckles shook.

  


**\----------------------**

  


_ Lin had woken up with a start on the bathroom floor. The tile pressed cold against her legs, seeping through the fabric of her pants. She gasped. Her eyes flew open, eyelashes sticking together, the room blurring around her in shades of green and blue. _

_ Her temple rested against her arm, which lay haphazardly over the toilet seat. She coughed and noticed the remaining taste of blood and salt and rain stuck in her teeth. She smelled awful, having fallen asleep there after stumbling home from the island and vomiting up her life.  _ The aftereffects, _ she had heard, from those who had been the earlier experiments. From test-runs, like the triad leaders, like that obnoxious waterbender kid from the pro-bending finals.  _ The body purges out everything it used to have, _ the healers had said.  _ It’s physically traumatic.

_ Managing to think past the pounding in her head, Lin took a moment to take in the space around her, and promptly inhaled sharply at the sheer weight of the metal encasing her body -- pressing heavy on her chest, forcing her shoulders down, constricting her throat.  _

Off. Get it off.

_ Flick of her wrists -- nothing. She choked. Again, punching her fists out in front of herself, and nothing.  _

Fuck. Fuck. Get it off. 

_ Hot and heavy and immobile, the metal uniform that once served Lin as a second skin, a brilliant piece of technology that she could manipulate and shift subconsciously now suffocated her silently. Lin fumbled with the latches on her sides until she could awkwardly scramble out of it and kick it away.  _

_ Freed of the armor, Lin took a breath and blinked away the water in her eyes. She abandoned the bathroom, hoping to forget the haze and pain and nausea of the previous night, and somehow found her way into the kitchen. She almost fell into the stonetop counter, steadying herself with the edge before panicking at how sharply dead the granite felt.  _

_ She had left the radio on overnight. It had been some attempt at maintaining control, keeping an ear on the city in a manner of speaking. Lin thought she might throw up again when the signal crackled. The hauntingly familiar voice of Amon invaded the space around Lin’s head again.  _

Good morning, citizens of Republic City. It is my hope that you are all adapting to these daily updates and paying close attention.

_ The rain hit Lin’s skin again, the way that it did on the island, the way it dripped into her eyes and stung. _

I am proud to speak to you all today with important announcements concerning the status of the Equalist Revolution…

_ Lin’s hands gripped for the stone of the countertop, feeling nothing.  _

Despite heroic efforts to defend this city and its citizens, your former Chief of Police, your once-great Lin Beifong has been purified by our cause. 

_ Lin felt her hand locate the handle of a bread knife and grip it tightly, searching. Nothing. _

Once celebrated for her strength and bending skill…

_ More. Feel it. _

…your former hero has finally been brought to her knees.

_ Lin heard herself gasp. Angry tears fell to the counter. Squeezing the steel handle as firmly as she could, not a single connection formed with her skin. Not a single vibration. _

Like the rest of Republic City’s benders, her weakness has finally been proven. She is nothing anymore.

_ The knife was at her skin before she had a moment to think. And then there was blood, burning, instant gratification. Her anger dripped from her skin and eyes into the floor, crushed by the stinging of relief. _

Nothing. _ No one there to listen to her cry, no one who would care -- everyone who ever did was a lifetime away, having left her there to bleed in her kitchen. _

  


**\----------------------**

  


Lin opened her eyes and the images faded behind her eyelids. Something had finally granted her a feeling of relief, allowing her to breathe. It took a few moments to come back and recognize the deep pain burning in her skin.

Warmth met her palm where her hand was still cupped over her side. Lin looked down and the pain hit again when she recognized the dark red seeping through her fingers. 

“Fuck.” Lin lifted her hand and her eyes widened at the blood seeping into her nail beds, dripping down her forearm, falling to the tile floor.

She grimaced as pain shot through her side again. In the midst of her remembrances, she had bent and torn the metal of her uniform, piercing through the cloth lining and into the skin around her ribcage. Fumbling in her panic, Lin bent off the uniform and gasped when the ripped metal was yanked out of her side, dazed stars dancing in her vision. Dark blood had soaked her torn undershirt. The armor clanged to the floor.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,” she hissed while stumbling to the sink, staining the porcelain with red. She pressed a dishtowel to her ribs and winced at the sting.  _ Stay calm, _ she told herself, until she moved the towel and choked at the sight of what she had done to her skin. Her painful anxiety glowed hot in her chest.

Above the panic roaring in her head, Lin managed to hear the soft knock at her front door, characteristic enough that Lin’s throat fell to her stomach. She stood there, silent, feeling the towel soak through. _Hell no. Not now._

Another knock. With a cough, Lin shouted, “Bad time.”

“Please, Lin, I want to talk to you.” Kya’s voice, even muffled, was clear enough to hear her quiet desperation. "Can I come in?"

“Go away, Kya.” The panicked tears had surfaced. Lin was sure her voice gave away everything.

Hesitation, and then: “Are you okay?”

"Yes, Kya, please leave."

"Lin, what's wrong?" She had some stern assertion to her tone.

“Go away,” Lin shouted again, voice thick with frustrated tears. Her fingers gripped the towel on her side hard enough that the pain radiated for a moment. She didn’t notice the door had opened until she sensed Kya’s shocked presence, frozen in the middle of the floor. Lin couldn’t bring herself to turn around and face her.

Hands shaking a few inches from her mouth, Kya whispered, “What the fuck did you do?” 

“I -- fuck, I'm sorry. I don’t know. I’m sorry.” Lin half-motioned to her torn uniform, bloodied and discarded on the floor. “The metal, I didn’t realize -- _fuck._ ” Another surge of pain cut her off. She held tight to the counter to steady herself. 

Past her shock and confusion, Kya rushed to Lin’s side and peeled away the bloody towel. “Holy shit, Lin,” she whispered. She brought some water to the injury and tried to function above Lin’s groans of discomfort. She carefully urged Lin down to sit, face revealing every feeling of alarm and concern.

“Spirits, what the hell happened?” Kya asked, hand held tight on Lin’s butchered skin. Her eyes glistened with something emotional and knowing, though she knew not to press. It wasn’t the time.

“I’m sorry,” was all Lin managed to say, choking on something that wasn’t there. She dropped her forehead to Kya’s shoulder, subconsciously searching for a source of comfort. “Fuck, I’m so sorry.”

“I know, honey,” Kya insisted, swallowing hard. She set a protective hand on the back of Lin’s neck. “I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading!! There will probably be a couple more chapters on this one, I'm not totally sure yet, but I am thinking I'll have a little epilogue-type thing at the very end. Thank all y'all for sticking with me so far, and I really hope you've been enjoying!


	10. Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for taking so long to update this, and I hope everyone has had very happy holidays!  
> TW in this chapter for some spiciness in the very beginning, blood, potentially uncomfy talk of injuries, hospitals, general Sadness...  
> (I also want to specify that the first memory scene in this chapter takes place the day before the second memory, and both happen a few months before the very first scene of Chapter One. I hope that makes sense.)

_Soft folds of cotton cooled Kya’s back as she fell against her bed. Warm skin countered the chill when Lin was up against her again, shirt undone so that soft breasts and cold buttons seemed to set Kya’s body on fire._

_“Lin --” Kya barely breathed her name above the scrambling of lips and tongues._

_Against Kya’s cheek, Lin said, “Yeah?”_

_“You said you had a hard day at work.”_

_“So?”_

_Kya’s breath hitched at the fingers grazing over her thigh. “Don’t you want to talk about it at all?”_

_“I don’t want to think about it.” The glimmer of moonlight through the window glowed on the sweat of Lin’s chest. “I only want to think about this for tonight.”_

_The concern for Lin’s state of mind dissolved when her hands found Kya’s hips, pressing them against her own enough to elicit a whimper, sending Kya’s hand to grip the pillowcase behind her head. Her other hand dug into the back of Lin’s head as she kissed from Kya’s jaw to her collarbone. That soft dip of skin at the base of her throat had her hips pushing up against her lover’s again._

_“Fuck, I love you."_

_The words left Kya’s lips before she could hear them in her head, before they had imprinted between her ears. Her eyes flew open and she was pushing away from Lin in the same second._

_“Shit, I’m sorry.” Kya buried her eyes in the crook of her elbow, determined not to take in Lin’s terrified expression. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t -- fuck. I’m sorry.”_

_Taken aback by the sudden rasp of tears in Kya’s voice, Lin steadied herself to avoid tumbling off the bed and promptly looked away. It felt like a sin to see Kya cry. Their relationship had followed a strict set of professionally-sexual rules, and a confession of love followed by an outpouring of emotion broke every unspoken agreement. The commandments that Lin practically carried around in her wallet like a daily schedule._

_“I didn’t mean to say that,” Kya choked. “I’m sorry.”_

\-----------------------

Kya sat heavily in the wicker chair beside the bed. Chest still shaking, she dragged a weak wrist across her cheek, rubbing away any lingering tears of panic. Darkening blood persisted in the creases of her knuckles. 

The racing of her head was helped by Lin’s silent presence on the sheets. Her chest, rising and falling steadily, promised something calmer to come, even after Kya had spent an hour halting her bleeding and bandaging her up. Lin had been in such a restless state that Kya had eased her to sleep with some water at her temples, seeking an environment free from the squirming and tension.

Lin’s injury hadn’t turned out to be a disaster by any means, though her distress made the healing process all the more difficult on Kya’s end. With her finally in bed and asleep, Kya took a second to breathe. She had been suffocating herself since she walked in the door earlier, it seemed.

“Spirits, Lin,” she sighed. “What on earth am I going to do with you?”

\--------------------------

_The lights of the hospital room were too bright when Lin finally woke up, blinking against the yellow glow piercing through the windows. She thought her headache to be the most painful sensation until she tried to lift her head. Searing agony shot through the right side of her face._

_With a grimace and a yelp of pain, Lin let her head fall back again. The wooden ceiling of the room came into focus._

_“Easy,” came a gentle voice. “Try not to move your face too much, alright?”_

_Lin tried to concentrate her gaze on the figure in the room who was filling a bowl with water, blue dress almost sparkling in that painful light. “Kya?”_

_“Just sit tight for me for a minute. I need to get a closer look at you but I have to prep everything correctly. You got yourself into a hell of a pickle earlier.”_

_Watching Kya drop oils into the bowl from little bottles, Lin recalled the previous night, the messy kissing followed by the confrontation of Kya’s brief and heavy confession. That_ I love you _hung on nails inside Lin’s head, still, even more painful given the way that she had awkwardly fled the island moments afterward. Lin certainly hadn’t anticipated that their next encounter would be in a hospital room._

_Lin let the earlier half of the day clarify itself in her head, playing out again in agonizing slow-motion. She flinched, practically feeling the disgusting rip of the metal through her skin. She brought trembling fingers up to her cheek to feel the bandage, stiff with blood, and thought for a second she might be sick._

_“Try not to mess with it,” said Kya as she sat beside the bed with her bowl of water. “Can you sit up for me?”_

_Lin sat, several pillows piled up against the headboard of the creaky hospital bed. The right side of her face felt horribly hollow and numb._

_“I’m gonna take the bandage off and it might hurt a bit,” said Kya gently. She raised her hands to remove the stained brown pile of gauze, fingers working to gently peel it away. Lin groaned at the feeling of exposed air on the wounds._

_She tried to see something in Kya’s face, some indication of how bad it was, how fucked up she was going to look -- but Kya only examined her cheek closely and maintained her steady, concerned expression._

_“Okay.” Kya gathered some of the water around her hand and let it glow, illuminating the small room with blue. “This will probably sting for a second, but try to stay still, alright?”_

_“Mm-hmm.” Lin reached for Kya’s other hand, a subconscious search for reassurance._

_After giving Lin’s hand a squeeze, Kya set her palm ever so gently against her cheek and shut her eyes._

_The bolt of pain that shot through Lin’s head sent her vision into darkness. Kya must have been doing something with that water to keep her from screaming, but Lin clenched her jaw tight and the room sparkled when she blinked her eyes again. Soothing cerulean coolness calmed the burning after only a moment._

_“See?” Kya scooted closer. “It’s not so bad now.”_

_She brought Lin’s hand up to her chest, letting her feel the rhythmic thumping behind her sternum. Lin liked to feel her heartbeat to ground herself and Lin’s own stomach flipped a little. Kya’s willingness to express affection after the disaster of the previous night somehow made it even harder for Lin to calm her mind._

_After a few minutes of blue silence, Lin asked, “How long was I out?”_

_“A couple hours, I think. They said you passed out, because there was -- there was a lot of blood. Apparently you were freaking out a bit.”_

_Lin nodded. “Where’s Su?”_

_“She’s with Mom,” said Kya in a high voice. “She’s shaken up, but she’s fine.”_

_“Little shit,” Lin muttered. The thought of the inevitable family conservation coming later made her forehead tense._

_“She didn’t mean to hurt you, Lin.”_

_“Doesn’t really mean anything to me, now, does it?”_

_Kya released the water with a sigh, letting it fall anticlimactically into the bowl again. The room returned to its brown-and-cream monochrome, save for Kya’s dress, and it swayed smoothly as she touched Lin’s shoulder encouragingly._

_“Do you want to get up?” she asked. “I can tell you’re dying to find a mirror.”_

_Lin accepted Kya’s arm. They crossed the floor into the bathroom, where Lin could finally take in the damage her sister had done, manifesting in two parallel slices across her right cheek. Kya’s healing had eased the pain and smoothed the wounds, but it was easy to see that no level of healing would return her skin to the smooth plane it had been a few hours before._

_“There won’t be any infection,” said Kya. She tucked Lin’s hair behind her ear to get a better look at the injuries. “I do wish I was able to work on it sooner, but it’ll be just fine, considering how deep…” Her voice trailed away._

_“But it’ll fucking scar like shit.” Lin’s eyes stared blankly at herself in the mirror. Her hands shook as she gripped the porcelain sink._

_A few moments of silence plagued the room before Kya sighed and said quietly, “Yes, it will scar. I’m afraid there’s nothing I can do about that. Or Mom.”_

_Lin tore her gaze away and tried to focus on her whitening knuckles against the edge of the sink. The lower half of her vision clouded, eyelids burning._

_Kya’s hand came to rest between Lin’s shoulderblades. “You were lucky though, Lin, I want you to know that.”_

_“I don’t want consoling, Kya. Can you give me a fucking minute to be pissed?”_

_“You’re allowed to be mad,” said Kya. “I just want to put things in perspective, maybe. I mean, if you were standing a few feet closer, it could have… the cable might have hit your neck, it -- it could have been a lot more than just some scars.”_

_“That’s what’s supposed to help me feel better?”_

_“I’m trying here,” Kya whispered. “I know I can’t fix this for you, and I wish I could. I care about you a fucking lot. I really do.”_

_Lin sighed, anger draining out in favor of dejection. “I know.” She sucked on her tongue as hot tears dripped from her eyelashes, splashing onto the drain cover of the sink. Her hand came up to cover her eyes. “I know you do.”_

_Kya chewed on her lip for a second, something in her heart shattering and leaving a painful cavity inside her chest. After a brief hesitation, she reached to tuck her hand beneath Lin’s hair on the back of her neck, guiding Lin’s forehead to rest on her shoulder. Lin sobbed quietly against the soft fabric of Kya’s shirt._

**\----------------------------**

At first, it was amusing to Lin how she had now awoken for the second time in her bed with little recollection of arriving there. The amusement quickly faded when she realized the déjà vu stopped at the pain shooting through her side. Hand flying to the bandage around her ribs, she remembered. _Fucking dumbass._

“Hey,” came that gentle voice again. “Let me help you sit up.”

Lin half-expected to look up and see the dark-haired, smooth-skinned young woman from her oddly vivid memory. Instead, the pleasant surprise of silver hair and concerned, crinkled eyes approached from the doorway.

Kya’s firm hands helped Lin sit up against her pillow. She sat back in the chair. “How’s your pain?”

If Lin had tried to respond, she was sure she would have fallen apart instantly. The tension of the room sunk into her bones and threatened to shatter them each, slowly and agonizingly.

Something cracked. Lin’s chin trembled. She hid her face with her hands -- a childish reaction, but the only one she could manage to execute -- and barely murmured out, “I’m sorry.”

“What are you sorry about?” Kya asked, voice giving away some of her own selfish desperation. 

“I’m sorry I said shitty things to you,” Lin choked, the walls of her throat discouraging what she was intent on saying. Too out-of-character, too much of a disappointment to the rock-hard face she presented to the world. “I shouldn’t have shouted at you the other morning. You were trying to help me and I said awful things for no reason.”

Kya nodded slowly, squeezing her own hands in her lap. She pulled her chair closer and reached to set an experimental hand on Lin’s trembling shoulder. 

“We don’t need to worry about all of it right now,” said Kya quietly, despite her heart bursting with something scarily similar to love. “I appreciate your apology. But you’re hurt right now and you need to try and rest yourself.”

Lin’s hand found Kya’s and held on tight. Managing to find her breath, she murmured, “You came to see me.”

A sigh shook through Kya’s throat. “I did. I wanted to make sure you were alright.”

 _And I’m damn lucky you did._

“You helped me,” whispered Lin. A chorus of fresh tears broke her words into tiny fragments, barely audible at best. “You didn’t leave.”

Guilt stabbed Kya in the chest. “Of course I helped you, Lin. I care about you. I never stopped caring about you. I wouldn’t -- I wouldn’t leave you here.” 

Those shattered pieces of words made Kya feel like her heart was tearing open, spilling every memory and taking in each statement all at once, like she was trying to piece it all together. Finding a reciprocation of love in whatever was there.

“Will you stay?” asked Lin after a few moments of staggering silence. She felt embarrassed to request Kya’s presence, but the thought of continuing the day without her there made her want to cry all over again.

“Of course.” Kya leaned in to touch their foreheads together, ever so gently. “I’ll stay with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, things are finally looking up for our girls :) I hope y’all liked this chapter! Let me know what you think!


	11. Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is our last (normal) chapter for this fic -- the next will be a short epilogue to tie everything together! I hope you all enjoy this more positive chapter :)  
> TW in this chapter for injuries/healing, some blood, brief mention of death, discussion of self-harm and eating disorder recovery.

Lin laid in bed for a long time the following morning, drifting her fingers across her bare stomach as she let imaginary patterns dance on the ceiling.

In the night, Kya had woken her up to change the bandage on her side, wrapping it gingerly around her chest, soothing the stinging with some calendula-infused water. Lin wasn’t sure how to process the lingering feeling of Kya’s hands. If she closed her eyes, shutting out the white ceiling, she could feel the gentle drift of slender fingers against her skin again. 

Listening to her unexpected house guest moving around the kitchen had renewed the sense of guilt persisting in Lin’s stomach. She cursed herself all over again for letting herself lose control again, for letting her hand slip and shove that piece of metal so far. Instead of allowing her mind to question why it happened, she slowly sat up and took a pained breath in preparation to finally leave her bedroom. She stiffly slipped on an overshirt and let it remain unbuttoned. 

When Kya had left the room, assuming Lin was already asleep, she had leaned in to kiss Lin’s forehead, hand cupping her cheek. Lin examined herself in the mirror above her dresser. She searched for some kind of mark in her skin, a sign of where Kya had kissed her.

Slowly entering the kitchen, Lin tried hard to force away the awkward anxiety that seemed to settle on every surface in the room. 

“Hey, good morning,” said Kya from where she stood at the counter. “You slept for a long time. I didn’t think you would.”

“Well, there’s all that bullshit about energy being used up to heal the body or whatever, right?”

A small grin pulled at Kya’s mouth. A joke falling from Lin’s lips was an unexpected and pleasant surprise. Though, still, Kya felt her cheek quiver a little, suggesting that her smile displayed something uncertain.

“You didn’t need to clean up,” said Lin quitely, holding her side as she sat at the counter. “I would have gotten around to it.”

Kya offered a gentle hand on her shoulder to help her sit. “I know I didn’t need to, but… if I’ve learned anything from working in hospitals, it’s that blood left on the floor for too long is not a very pleasant thing.”

Lin cringed and nodded. She noted the way that Kya’s hand lingered softly on her shoulder, taking advantage of her shirtlessness to run her thumb back and forth along Lin’s collarbone. 

“Let’s eat,” said Lin quietly. “Come on. We’ll go outside.”

\-----------------------

_ It must have been a good four days following Aang’s death when Lin finally stopped crying. She hadn’t wanted to, hoping she could serve as the emotional rock she had always been, on the assumption that she could slip away into a side room and let the tears out privately when needed. _

_ Unfortunately, the tears released in a flood only minutes after Katara delivered the news. The guilt came later, once she remembered the look of devastation in Tenzin’s eyes as she crumbled to the floor, too overtaken to offer him any kind of comfort.  _

_ “I’m fine,” she had insisted when he tried to take her in his arms. Still, he had taken her to bed and they held each other throughout the night. Lin only remembered waking up late in the morning, surrounded by the empty bed, finding Tenzin at his desk with an extensive list of names in front of him. _

_ “I have people to write to,” he said, frustrated. “Dad knew so many damn people.” _

_ Lin managed to pull him away and bring him back to the large armchair in the corner of their room, granting him her chest as a consoling pillow.  _

_ “We’ll have to plan a service,” he said. “And Mom will want to see everyone.” _

_ Lin rubbed her thumb against his temple. “We can sort it out, love. It doesn’t need to happen right away.” _

_ “I’ll surely be needed to help find the new avatar.” _

_ Silence followed when Lin didn’t know what to say. She nodded and sighed against Tenzin’s head. _

_ “We’ll have to find Kya.” _

Kya. __

_ Lin’s grip grew tight on Tenzin’s robes. As hard as she had tried to banish the name from her memory, find some logical way to push it from her thoughts -- the woman’s face remained brandished into her mind. Not painfully, but a gentle warmth that seemed to spread through her chest at the thought of her past lover. _

_ Lin cleared her throat and asked, “You don’t know where she is?” _

_ “Not now. She was in the North the last we heard from her, but that was months ago.” He swallowed thickly. “Mom’s been a mess about it.” _

_ Lin wasn’t sure if the panic filling her stomach was her own, or if she was taking bits of Tenzin’s. “Why?” _

_ Tenzin glanced up at her as if she had asked him for his name. “Because  _ Kya’s _ been a mess, Lin. I might be the sheltered baby in the family, but even I know that Kya -- Kya hasn’t been herself for years. Not since --” He shook his head. “Mom has done everything but beg her to come home. Though I can’t see how Kya could avoid it now.” _

_ “You think she’ll come back?” Lin asked. Her voice caught on something thick in her throat. _

_ “I know she will,” said Tenzin. He took her hand and gave it a squeeze. “And I know she’ll feel terrible that she wasn’t here earlier.” _

_ A fresh rush of tears blurred Lin’s eyes. She grabbed at Tenzin’s arms and pulled him tight against her.  _

_Tenzin's hand came up to cup her cheek. "Lin, is something wrong?"_

_ She shook her head rather aggressively, desperate to push away the thoughts stinging behind her eyes. She accepted Tenzin's arms and searched for something in the man she loved, anything to take her mind off of the lovely woman's face smiling at her from the back of her mind. _

\------------------------

“Hey, Lin?” 

Lin looked up from the bowl of fruit Kya had cut for her. They sat outside on the balcony and Lin had stripped off her button-down shirt, allowing the sun to soak into her skin. The morning sun glittered against Kya’s eyes.

“Can I ask you about some things?” Kya ran her thumb against the handle of her mug, fingernail tinting white.

“Well, I suppose there’s no other way we’re getting out of the situation we’re in now, is there?” Lin said sardonically. “Go for it.”

Whatever truths hadn’t come out between the two of them had no use existing in the dark anymore. Lin knew the unspoken words would only keep rumbling around inside her head until she opened her mouth.

“When…” Kya sighed. She tightened and loosened her fingers around her cup and stared at the concrete. “When did things start getting so bad for you?”

Lin took a minute to consider the question. “I don’t know. It’s -- It’s hard to tell if things were only bad after… after you left, or if I had always had some kind of --” She paused to shake her head. “I don’t know, maybe I always needed a kind of relief that I could only get in certain ways.”

“But it only started -- it only started when…”

“When you left,” Lin confirmed calmly. There was no reason imaginable to specify any further what the ‘it’ was. “A couple of months after, I think.”

The sudden bolt of guilt that struck Kya was painfully obvious by the way that her face fell, as if everything she hadn’t wanted to believe was suddenly falling upon her all at once.

Lin’s hand was around Kya’s before she could think too hard on the action. “You didn’t cause it to happen, Kya. It wasn’t anyone’s fault that my coping skills were fucked from birth.”

Kya couldn’t help a small laugh as she brushed a swelling tear from her eye. “It makes me so sad, though, you know? I was running around the world and trying to get away from my problems, and you were here with no one to lean on. It just makes me sad.”

“It wasn’t ideal,” said Lin quietly. She stabbed at a piece of melon. “But I had Katara, and Tenzin. For a while.”

“But -- But you never got help for it?” asked Kya, softly enough that she worried the words would be lost in the air. 

The usual urge to slam her fist on her knee and shout an angered response was nonexistent. Lin shook her head. 

“No,” she said. “I didn’t. Not professionally, anyway.”

Kya sighed and nodded in comprehension. It wasn’t the time to debate how Lin clearly didn’t know how to care for herself properly; it wasn’t the time to dive deep into the cycle of self-destructive behavior Lin had adopted to the point of having no other outlet. Those were conversations for a day to come, ideally with a trained professional or two.

“What about you?”

Stomach turning, Kya blinked. Lin watched her, eyes tired and somewhat dull -- an oddly pleasant comparison to their previous discussions about these subjects.

“Huh?” Kya asked.

“I assume you got some kind of counseling, or something. Considering…” She paused and chuckled to herself. “Considering you’re alive.”

Kya had to smile. “I did. My mother took me to some healers in the south, and I spent a lot of time at home, with Mom looking over my shoulder all the time.”

“Well, I’d expect nothing less.”

Another smile. Immense relief washed over Kya as she appreciated the calm nature of their conversation.

“It wasn’t any picnic, that’s for damn sure,” she said. “It makes you feel pretty stupid when you’re thirty years old and your mother has to come sit in the bathroom with you every time you have to piss.” Kya smiled to herself. “But it was most certainly worth it.”

Lin shut her eyes for a moment. “That makes me happy.”

Kya grinned and appreciated the soft glow of sun against Lin’s skin. That smile, complete with bright green eyes and relaxed shoulders, almost begged Kya to brush her fingers over Lin’s arms and pull her in close. 

Lin sighed. “I guess we’ve both got a lot of fucked-up garbage to deal with, huh?”

“We sure do,” said Kya. “Maybe sometimes the shit has to hit the fan in order for the healing to happen, though, right?” 

All Lin could think to do was nod. No words seemed correct.

Kya set her mug on the table and settled herself with a long breath. “Listen, Lin, when we slept together after the wedding, I wasn’t just looking for some way to get off. I want you to know that.”

Lin considered that information. “Okay.”

“You’ve never just been another girl to me,” she insisted. “I always cared about you, and I know I ran away, but…”

“You were hurting, Kya.” Lin took hold of Kya’s hand again. “No one can blame you for trying to survive.”

Both of Kya’s hands came to grasp Lin’s tightly. “I wanted to see if -- see if we could try again. I never stopped thinking about you, ever, and when I got back into the city last month, I remembered how I felt when we were younger. I thought maybe we could try again.” 

Lin heard how her voice shook. She swallowed, unsure of how to form her own thoughts into a coherent sentence.

“I’d like that,” said Lin quietly, not realizing quite how desperate she sounded, some lump working its way up her throat. “I think I’d like to try again.”

Kya murmured, “I’d really love to.” She crinkled her eyes happily before standing and helping Lin to her feet, her hand coming to rest on Lin’s bandaged side protectively.

Lin became fascinated with the way that the light formed shadows across Kya’s face, illuminating the lovely curve of her nose and the pretty lines beside her eyes. She imagined how warm it would feel for their cheeks to touch. She imagined their hands caressing the hair at the backs of their necks.

“What are you thinking about?” Kya asked, her own eyes examining Lin’s face closely.

Lin took a breath and asked, “Could I kiss you again?”

_ Please say yes. _

Kya grinned smugly. “Was the last time not satisfactory?”

“I’d like to do it better this time, if you’ll let me.” Lin felt her fingers drift over a lock of Kya’s hair, warmed by the late-morning sun. 

“Well, that’s very thoughtful of you,” said Kya before she leaned in to press a teasing kiss to the corner of Lin’s mouth. Her breath was hot and wonderful and smiling on Lin’s cheek.

Even in the sun, chills spread across Lin’s skin when their lips finally locked together. No desperation came out, no grabbing at clothes or panting neediness for each other’s bodies. When Lin finally recovered from the mothflies in her stomach, she felt some comforting spark form between their lips.

When their eyes flickered open again, Kya laughed quietly and tucked a loose bit of hair behind Lin’s ear.

“What?” 

Kya settled her hand on Lin’s scarred cheek and ran her thumb along the soft skin beneath her eye. “You have such a pretty smile. You look so happy.”

Red heat spread across Lin’s cheekbones. “I like having you here. You make me happy.”

“I’m glad, Lin,” said Kya softly. “I want you to be happy. You deserve to be.”

“I know.” Lin took a breath and relaxed her forehead against Kya’s. “Do you think -- Do you think you could be happy with me, too?”

A thin glimmer of tears gathered in Kya’s eyes. She wrapped Lin up in her arms and took a moment to exhale. When they relaxed against each other, Lin felt herself smile into Kya’s shoulder.

“Of course, honey,” said Kya. “I’d love to be happy with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay :) Thank y’all so, so much for reading, and stay tuned for the little epilogue I’ll be posting in the next couple days. Stay safe :)  
> UPDATE: the final chapter has been posted :)


	12. An Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just a short little epilogue to wrap up this fic.  
> I cannot thank y'all enough for reading and commenting and following this story. All of your kind words have meant so, so much to me and I so genuinely appreciate the love. I’ve loved writing this and it makes me so happy that y’all have liked it, too! Keep your eye out for more content from me in the near future :)

**Eight Months Later**

Thin beams of light slanted across the bedsheets from the east-facing window, forming yellow lines on tan skin as Lin blinked her eyes open. She stretched her arms out in front of herself and groaned, letting her body shake off the night’s sleep. She produced the smallest sleepy grin before propping herself up on an elbow to appreciate the image of the opposite side of the bed. 

Kya’s back, bare and half-exposed by the sheet bunched around her waist, rose and fell steadily with each rhythmic breath. Her exhales were just slightly audible against the pillowcase, where half of her calm face was nestled. 

Lin settled a hand on Kya’s warm back to gently ease her awake. As the waterbender’s eyes flickered open, she tightened her arms around her pillow with a tired sigh.

“Keeping watch again, Beifong?” she joked, opening just one eye again over the crease of the pillowcase. “I thought you promised that you’d be more relaxed about this during retirement.”

Lin settled in beside her to kiss the soft spot between her shoulder blades, appreciating the sweet warmth on her lips. “I don’t remember promising to stop admiring you whenever I can.”

Kya raised her eyebrows in exaggerated flirtatiousness. “Oh, well, when you put it like that…” She rolled to her back and stretched her arms up above her head, exposing enough of her body at once for Lin to want to cover her in kisses all over.

“What’s on your agenda for today?” asked Lin. Their schedules were more or less open, thanks to Lin’s handing of the police force over to one of her younger deputies, whose body didn’t threaten to fail every time they stood up. 

“I’m going to have breakfast on the island, and relieve Pema from Rohan-duty for a while,” said Kya with a chuckle. “Apparently the kids have been pretty restless lately. She says it’s because I’m not around to help handle them.”

“Yeah?”

“You know, we should find a schedule to stick to about seeing them.” The last few words lost themselves somewhat in a yawn. “They got so used to me being on the island.”

Kya drifted her fingers in a feather-light touch along the crescent scar in Lin’s side. It had healed well, thanks to Kya’s near-constant doting. Sighing again, Kya carefully scratched her nails up Lin’s back.

“Do you have an appointment with Masuyo today?” asked Kya, glancing around for the agenda planner they kept on a nightstand. “Or is it next Wednesday?”

Lin let herself fall back into the pillows, appreciating the warm spot she had formed as she had slept. “Today. At noon.”

“Is it going well still? You seem to really get along with her well.”

Lin shrugged, raising her eyebrows a bit. “She’s excellent, like always. I find her very easy to talk to.”

“I’m so glad, honey.” Kya squeezed Lin’s hand as she glanced over the week’s plans. “Have you been feeling any different lately?”

“A bit, I think,” said Lin. “I’ve had more time to actually think about what I’m feeling recently. It’s nice.”

“Good.” Kya tossed the planner back onto the nightstand. “I don’t meet with Ryka until Monday. Good thing she never fails to give me a world of things to think about during the week.” 

Lin smiled. Their individual therapists were nothing short of angels, as far as she saw it. It was something of a requirement for them to sort out their individual shit before Kya moved herself into Lin’s apartment, and was a welcome relief.

Kya tossed back the covers and located her shirt on the floor to pull over her head. Lin watched her as she tied a pretty green wrap skirt around her waist -- the one Lin had bought for her on a recent trip to Gaoling. It surrounded Kya’s hips in a way that made Lin remember that there was no one prettier in the world. Elegant gold threads were woven into the hemming and swung gorgeously around dark-skinned calves as Kya crossed the room to put her hair up by the dresser.

“I’ll be back by one,” she said, glancing back at Lin in the mirror on the wall. “I could meet you outside Masuyo’s office and we could go get some lunch, if you want.”

“Sure.” Lin situated her hands behind her head and watched Kya hypnotically part her hair in twin braids, hanging around her shoulders in interlocking silver waterfalls.

“And there are some leftover steamed buns in the kitchen, if you want some of those for breakfast," said Kya.

Securing her hair, Kya leaned out of the bedroom door to check the clock in the kitchen. When she leaned down to grab her bag from beside the nightstand, Lin reached up and stretched her arms around Kya’s shoulders to keep her close for just a bit longer.

“I love you,” Lin whispered, remembering that she hadn’t mentioned it yet that morning.

“Mm, I love you, too.” Kya surrendered for a moment, easing into the embrace and breathing in the warm sweetness of Lin's neck. When she tried to pull away, however, Lin's powerful forearms held her in place.

“Honey, I want to catch the nine o’clock ferry,” said Kya with a smile as Lin sleepily kissed her cheek, breath lovely and hot on her skin. “I think Pema needs to be in town before nine-thirty.”

“Just let me have a few more kisses.” Lin pouted. “You know you don’t get to go that easily.”

Smile spreading wide across her face, Kya took Lin’s face in her hands and took her time kissing her cheeks and forehead. 

“Believe me,” she said, finally pressing a couple of kisses to Lin’s lips. She let one hand slide to Lin’s neck as their foreheads came together gently. “I couldn’t possibly stay away from this for long.”


End file.
